explaining the ups and downs

Hope, et. al. In most (not all) cases, Alzheimer's moves steadily and inexorably (like a glacier) and behavioral changes are only noted over time. What seems to be happening now are mini-strokes. I, too, have witnessed scenes such as you describe just last week, like an angry "who are you and what are you doing in my house" look and others, like telling Scott to get a plumber to fix the toilet then giving Gary money to go buy a new toilet 10 minutes later. It was all very upsetting. Mini-strokes alter behavior when they happen, "all of a sudden" if you will. But then, you still have AD at work too and it can at times be hard to distinguish which one is the culprit. Both, I suppose. Like I said, the CT scan was extremely telling. There is a lot (and I mean a heck of a lot) of mini-stroke damage and also a heck of a lot of AD damage as well. It left me wondering how is Helen even functioning and fretting about how much worse this is going to become over time.

It is emotionally hard as heck on me and you all, too. An RN with clinical depression caring for a loved one with progressive dementia. It would be comical if it didn't hurt so.

Hey Rob,
Thank you for the information. I did not know that mother has had mini-strokes. Some how I got out of the loop on that one. It causes me to wonder what else I might have missed.
Last time Sam and I visited Mother (Dec. 5 and 6) she exhibited some behaviors that were really a lot more pronounced than they have been before. I caught her looking at Sam once or twice in a way that made me think she was having trouble remembering who he was. She looked a little scared. So I used his name in the conversation and she seemed to relax.
And then she told us the story of how she and Daddy met, fell in love, married, lived on Thompson Place with Grandad. Of course we know she repeats things but this time she repeated the story almost word for word immediately after she finished the first account of it. I enjoy listening to her stories about the love she and Daddy shared ; I'm glad that that is the way she remembers her life with Daddy. I tend to remember Daddy with fondness myself.
The other happening was Saturday night. Scott had come to visit us and check to see whether Mom had taken her medication. It was around 8:30 to 9:00 . He stayed for 45 minutes or so just chatting with all of us. He left us around 8:45 to 9:30. About 10 minutes later Mother picked up the phone, called Scott (who was in bed already) , and told him that we were visiting and and asked if he wouldn't like to come over and visit with us . I don't know what he told Mom but he seemed to satisfy her. She didn't seem confused or hurt after she hung up the phone. As it was getting late we all said goodnight and went to bed - while Mother chose the couch.
Anyway, we took Mom out to Cracker Barrel on Sunday and she seemed to have a good time.
I know Sam and I did. Mom seemed to have a hard time remembering it was Sunday but that was easy to deal with - who really cared if it was Saturday or Sunday?!
Sam and I will try to come up to visit again early in February. And as always, we have you in our thoughts, and are grateful for the time and tender care you give our Momma.
Sincerely,
Hope and Sam Peeples

As time goes by

Rob,
Thanks for keeping me educated on these heartaches : - ((

Becky

Mini-strokes 101

Hope, read my comment to your question on "immovable object."

There are more nerve connections in the brain than there are stars in the universe. Each nerve cell is ultimately fed by blood vessels that would make a human hair look thick. This is why a person can have so very many mini-strokes, as Helen has had, and because they are so tiny, why the person never knows it even is happening, nor does anyone else. What showed up on the CAT scan were the dead brain cells whose blood supply was cut off by one of these mini-strokes. Depending on which of these countless cells dies, let's say it's the cell that knows my phone number, Helen would no longer be able to remember it.

To complicate matters, all of these nerve cells are interconnected, so that a particular system, let's say the one that governs Chuck's name loses a cell vital to that connection, she'll not remember Chuck's name, as she did with me day before yesterday. Fortunately there are a lot of "connections" that can also remember the name "Chuck," only by a different pathway with different associations. Your mom has AD and, as we all suspected, severe vascular dementia.

What worries me is that Alzheimer's is a slow, steady process and vascular dementia, that is a new mini-stroke, often produces an instantly recognizable change, and I think your mom has had several this week. She's not like she was last week. She seems more readily "lost" and wandering around. Also, new things (like going to the Doctor or a wedding) will produce the same confusion....something that's out of her comfort zone, something "new" where she has to reason out, like tonight, how to get ready for a wedding. It could be both AD and Vascular dementia to blame for this. She was clearly agitated, but not in a nasty way.She put on her High heels and then wondered aloud how she was going to get her bluejeans off over them. It never entered her mind to remove the shoes first. Lesson: Explain in detail when you are getting her out of her comfort zone what you are doing and why. She may understand, she may not.

There are mini-strokes, strokes, and massive strokes. Helen has the first one. In spades. She has probably been having them for years. The second would only serve to paralyze her, God forbid. The third will send her on to Greener Pastures. Strokes generally, but not always, happen at night while the person is asleep, I think I told you all that. My best guess is that since she walks so little, clots will form in the vessels behind the knee and will at sometime break off ("throwing an embolus") and, due to it's size will lodge in a brain vessel that feeds life-sustaining cells and she simply won't wake up. Then again, she might outlive us all. God Knows.

It's because there are trillions of connections in the brain that even evidence of massive mini-strokes having taken place plus the ability of the healthy parts of the brain to do "double duty" that your mom's behavior doesn't act like what it looked like it should be having viewed the CAT scan. Your mom always had an exceptionally good head on her shoulders, so I, for one, am not surprised. R.

Hope Read my comment on Irresistible force. R

It's Hope again!
I've been doing some research of my own on AD and found an older article in the Awake! magazine that is published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.I've got the URL and if you would like to read it just visit http://www.watchtower.org/e/19980922/article_01.htm. Don't worry , the Society won't try to reach you by your having visited their site. Nor will they contact me to let me know you visited. You should be able to print the article for yourselves if you decide that there is some good counsel in it. It has been helpful to me of course or I wouldn't have mentioned it.
I hope everyone is doing well. I miss reading what's going on up there with you all and Mom. I haven't been able to reach her by telephone or I wouldn't be so worried about her. I'll give one of you a call if I can't reach her again today. So I'll leave you now with only the encouragement to visit that URL. It could be helpful.
Love to you all,
Hope (and Sam)

Hello everyone, this is Hope. I want to hear more about this immovable object and its equal force.
Sam and I are planning to come to see Mom and everybody that we can. We will leave here Saturday the 5th of December and stay until Sunday evening. I can stay longer if someone can bring me home ,say, Tuesday or Wednesday. Any volunteers?
Rob? We would like to review the information you have on this disease. We could pick it up when we come to visit but it would be better if we could see it before we come. We'll pay for all postage and insurance. You'll be sure to get it back in mint condition.
Amy? Give me a call so I can make sure you're OK. Or I'll give you a call. OK?
Love to all,
(Sam) and Hope

Irresistible force met the unmovable object today. This is an onerous stage of the disease, and we've just barely begun what is going to be a long, hard ride. Ease up. Give it time. Everything will happen soon enough, believe me. Welcome to Alzheimer's Disease.

Hey guys,

I hope that everyone is well. Hope is really under the weather and would have not been able to have come for the Dr's visit tomorrow anyway. Even so I can appreciate how disappointing that is was that the appointment was canceled. Amy called to inform us and Hope wanted me to call Chuck so he would not come down to get her. Wow - dealing with an aging parent who is ill (been there -done that) is nothing short of challenging all by itself. I hope that the dialogue can remain open with all the siblings, so Mom's needs and care doesn't become a side issue.

While looking up some info online about Alzheimer's I ran across this site:
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/93035/provide-support
I have talked with Amy, and Becky and have heard the well founded fears regarding another dog for Mom, and I certainly do not discount what has already transpired. Even so, I wonder how folks who have support dogs for their illness accommodate what is the obvious needs of the support dog. I'll do more research and share what I find out. In the meantime, I hope such articles as mentioned above can provide some valuable insight.

Rob - a personal note of thanks from Hope and me for your tireless efforts to look after and encourage Mom. And thanks to everyone for keeping us in the loop and for not giving up. Please know that hearts are with you all.

With much affection,
Sam (and Hope)

My visit with Mom

When I went out to visit Mom this past Sunday, I made the mistake of taking a Sunday paper for us to look at.
ALL MOM WANTED WAS THE CLASSIFIED SECTION. YEP !!! YOU GUESSED IT. SHE WAS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER AIREDALE. Thankfully there weren't any for sale : - )
Probably good to not take a Sunday paper out there in the future. It might trigger the thought of another dog.
Becky

Incident. Was I right or not? Gary's son, the car thief and a friend his age unknown to me came "to visit Mrs. Cowan." It soon became clear that was not why they were there. They were just hanging out, talking on their cell phones. Not a word to Helen. I had a bad gut feeling about them being there, took them both on the front porch, told them of Helen's condition, that I was her care taker and that we were limiting the visitors to close, known friends. (Remember, Helen will let anyone in the door whether she knows them or not, and has, a "drug prostitute," as Gary called her. He just happened over and ran her out on the highly probable cause that she was "casing the joint." I pretty much did the same thing today. Cactus is on my list of "unwelcomes" as well as on Scott's list too. If I stepped on anyones' emotional toes, I'm sure I'll hear about it, but as long as I'm there, Helen is not holding an "open house." She's too vulnerable, too friendly, and her judgement is questionable. All feedback appreciated. R

Very peaceful day. Quiet, save for Cactus, who cannot help but be loud. Morning spent dispensing med, organizing VHS colllection. Amy came over with pooches. We all ate Dorothy's Chicken Enchiladas and Spanish Rice. The rest of the time spent all calmly reading. Amy took Helen to meet Becky at Wal Mart for sweatshirts for what may be a cold Texas. Helen repeated to Cactus, but not to me. Got her CD player up and running. Washed dishes. Pretty uneventful day, actually. The best kind. R.

Sunday with Mom

Today was pleasant enough. Amy and I took Mom to the 407 flee market. We slowly followed her around, being ever so aware that she didn't have much strength today, and we may have to save her from a fall at any minute. Amy took her by the elbow and forearm to help steady her. Well, Mom was QUICK to inform Amy she was fine and didn't need help. I don't know about Amy, but for me, it's really hard and awkward to reach to hold Mom's hand or take her by the arm, offering support. The reality is....it's much much harder for Mom to admit she needs help, or receive it when it's offered. I suppose I should take comfort in her attitude, for I know it won't be much longer til she has no choice in the matter.
As usual, Mom was jovial at times and confused at others.
Mom loves to get out and go places. It doesn't really matter where. She'll go anywhere you want to take her. I think getting her out of the house for a while let's her get some exercise, and helps to stimulate her mind.
I love the fact that she is still able to get out and go. She is trying real hard to stay independent, so I'm giving her enough slack in the rope to allow her the independence she so desperately needs, while at the same time being very cautious to keep her safe.
Thanks for going with me today Amy. I know this is hard and sad at the same time, but I like to do anything that makes her smile a little. Plus I loved your company :-).
Thanks for all you are doing for Mom. I'm looking forward to your vacation. YOU NEED A BREAK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all,
Becky

Sat Oct 10

I was going to go to the farm today and be with Mom. I called her before I started out there and asked if she would like some company or if she'd like a morning to just be alone. I figured she might. She hasn't had much private 'helen time' in a while.
She said I was always welcome and I asked again.... "Mom ! I know I am always welcome, but what would YOU like today." She thought for a minute and said she'd rather have a space of time where she didn't feel 'monitored'. So..... she is off to Crossville with Gary and some other folks tonight. I thought she might like to know she does have a choice about me coming out there. And so I didn't go.
Becky said she might go gallivanting with mom tomorrow so I'll call before I go out there, but if she is home I'll run out for a while and visit and take the dogs.

I love you all.
a

A beautiful day weather-wise. Helen and I spent a lot of time on the deck, watching birds, just taking in the beauty. We went inside when she started to get cool and spent the afternoon talking mostly about Ed. I hooked up her VCR to the sitting room TV so we could watch videos. I carved a bit. Helen read a bit. Scott had brought over the once-a-month calcium pill for her and left the newly-filled Aricept bottle. I did the pill count so I'll know if Helen says "I already took it" if she really did or not.

I drove the Buick home to begin "learning it " for the Texas trip. It seems to do everything but make coffee, and probably does that, if I can locate the button. Got the oil changed. (the car "told" me electronically it needed one.) All the fluids were good, so mechanically, the car is ready to go.

Slight change of plans trip-wise. Helen and will leave at some ungodly hour on the 29th, the change is that Amy, the dear, is flying in to DFW after work Friday the 13th, and Helen and I will pick her up there about 10:30 and make a bee-line for Knoxville from DFW, arriving sometime late Saturday morning or early afternoon, the 14th, the day we had planned to return, we'll just be leaving at 11p.m. All prayers appreciated. R.

Yes, waaay to many distractions this weekend, but I can't say I wouldn't have reacted in sort of the same way.....

Tuesday we went to the bank to take care of some trip business and for Helen to get $800, $100 of which she immediately spent on three cartons of cigarettes across the road. We got back home only to find they were the wrong kind of Senecas so I jumped back in the car, high-tailed it to the store and exchanged them for her kind. After that, I did the dishes and spent a full half-hour getting her CDs into the proper cases. She has 25 Don Williams' CDs! I wrote his web page today and requested an 8 x 10 glossy autographed by Don. We'll see what happens. Then it was on to Hancock's for lunch. I tried to buy but Helen wouldn't allow it. Amy was there when we got back and we talked, Helen read some, looked at those old photos some. She definitely needs people, just not gobs of them and they must be peaceful. A person with dementia may not pick up on what you say, but they do pick up on what your mood is. It's uncanny, I know, but go over to see her when you are irritated and see if she doesn't become irritated too. That works both ways, of course, your mood influencing her in a positive way. She's "there" and she's not; she remembers and she doesn't; she knows what's happening and she doesn't....all at the same time. It's all very gray, not all black, not all white. You just have to keep your antennas up and hope you guess right. Just when you expect her to be "on" she's off, just when you think she has forgotten, she remembers. Love, listen, be as positive as you can, pretend when you have to. R.

oops...sorry...last post was from me Becky

This is Mon. afternoon and I just called Mom. She acted surprised to hear from me. She asked if I were back in town yet, or was I still up in the sticks. It's sad to say, but she doesn't remember I was at her house last night. :-( She forgets seeing alot of people from day to day.

becky

I was at Mom's also for the party. I arrived after everyone else, so I don't know what had transpired before I arrived. Maybe she paid quite a bit of attention to Steve, Sharon, Chuck and Laurice before I got there. She was really glad to see Emily and Matt, Ryan, Hanna and baby.
She was glad Amy and I were there too...but we are there ALL the time, so I didn't expect her to make a fuss over us. And she didn't.
What I saw was a WIDE eyed mom. The stare, that is too often on her face, is sad to me. It's like she is trying to stay alert, but is struggling with what's going on around her. Maybe she's having a difficult time in processing so many things going on at once. She seems to be able to focus on only one thing at a time. Yes, she was either playing with Jonathan (which is what she would have been doing 10 years ago) or looking through her boxes of pics. She was showing me pics of long ago, when I was involved with other conversations. She kept saying, "Becky, look at this one". "Have you seen this"?, repeatedly, til I got up and went to look at the picture.
I believe there were too many voices going on at once and she couldn't decipher which one to tune into, so she just went into her own little world, not acknowledging ANY of the conversations going on around her.

Was at Mom's last night for Laurise's birthday party. Was it just me or did she just seem a little disconnected ? Nothing blatant but she seemed to be not quite with the whole party thing. She played with Johnathan, she told 'stories' about the farm. Told Steve and Sharon that she'd seen a Blue Heron at the lake - the first she had seen in 'years and years'.
Just my observation. Maybe it was having so many of us there late in the evening. And thoughts form the rest of you who there there ?

Friday. Got out there about 8:30 so we could be at the Expo Center right on the button at 9, only to find out the button was at noon. So, for three hours we drove around all of Helen's old haunts, Goins Rd. (now Nature Way) where she was raised. Beverly Place, where the family was raised. Decided we we're hungry so we went to Shoney's breakfast bar. We really hurt 'em. We were starved. By then it was time to go back to the Expo and Helen did real good "looking pitiful" (as I told her to do so we could butt in line, which we pulled off w/o a hitch.) Didn't get much. Helen wanted a car charger for her cell and a one-person DVD player, which we got. Then home to Max and a hyper-active Cactus. Amy showed up and she and Helen and I chatted and that was the end of my part of Helen's day. Pretty fun, all in all.

Not a bad day at all. Helen and I each read separately this morning for awhile, then chatted, then scarfed down some of Becky's chicken casserole, then watched the old b&w western, High Noon and that was really about it.

My Dr. said "you're going to have to learn to be less "family" and start being more of a professional. Dead on. My job would be easier if Helen and I d/n have an on and off 40 year hx. together. So I started doing that today. I think that's what made it a bit less stressful.

Helen was much better today. Not too much repetition of stories, not too much more than I probably repeat my stories from time to time, which was a relief after yesterday.

Focussed heavily on leading questions [if you can't converse, ask questions (it's a sure-fire technique for keeping Helen focussed on her stories, or anyone else, for that matter), and non-verbal skills: body position, eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, that sort of thing.]

For all of us, with anybody, all of the time, 90% of all communication is non-verbal. That's pretty deep, even scary, but it is so, and is esp. important when with Helen. That's about it. Got all of the dishes washed but still in the dishwasher until tomorrow. R.

Busy day! Gary and a friend worked valiantly on the Buick for quite awhile before they figured out that when Helen had it re-keyed, the security code became a new one, meaning that if the original key was put in, the security device would "know" and completely shut the car down!

Old key has "disappeared mysteriously" and the mad hunt is on for the duplicate new one Helen had made, but d/n know where it is. The Buick dealer may have to make one when they get the car ready for Texas unless the locksmith, who already knows what the new security settings are, can make Helen another one.

Becky, God love her, had a cloth image of Don Williams ironed on to some sort of stiff material and framed. It looks just like a painted poster. Simply amazing. Helen and I went to Powell to pick it up. Needless to say, she loved it to pieces.

Becky also brought a chicken casserole for me to cook and Gary brought chicken livers from Hancock's. But, as fate would have it, Helen opted instead for a cheeseburger, tater tots and milk at Hancock's. Oh well, she has plenty to eat now. We bought her some milk while we were there. Her tab has been taken care of.

Cactus also came by. He's so enthusiastic. We stuffed him full of quiche and birthday cake. It was an active day full of friends. A good day for Helen all around, basically.

However, on the downside, I suspect another mini-stroke has occurred; maybe this weekend, maybe Monday. Her repetitions have increased maybe two-fold, which hurts and is difficult, but not too much, as Helen is still good-natured Helen and the repetitions....well, you just sort of get used to them, that's all you need do: just listen, encourage and smile. Never, ever, say "you just said that." It throws her whole sense of reality into question.

After all, much of it is real, live, Oral History of a time of which none of us know about except from books. Just imagine, 1939, and having to watching TV by candlelight.... (old joke). No DVDs today. No book reading. We start Lonesome Dove tomorrow, I think. I hope. It's her all-time favorite, as well as mine.

One last piece of good news is that the VCR recorder/player was found under the printer under the big TV in the living room. I will do my best to clean it up with some stuff I have here at home and try to get it working this weekend, then take it out and hook it up Monday. Then we can all be Gone With the Wind and, along with Rhett Butler, tell Scarlett O'Hara that "frankly, Scarlett we don't give a damn" either. So there. Her video collection is the finest (and largest) I have ever seen. Big fun this winter by the fire, maybe. Above all, keep keeping in touch with Helen anyway you can. She thrives on any little bit. R.

As far as I'm concerned Rob, you would continue to receive your weekly pay while you are escorting Mom for those 2 weeks.


Becky

Interesting day. I had brought some DVDs from the library, but we never watched them as we kept company with Amy and Gary a good part of the afternoon. Helen has taken to following me around everywhere, so I guess my noble "clean the house" idea, on my part, will have to be put on hold. She does not like it when I leave her alone to go clean something. That's a predictable symptom and, I guess, sort of a left-handed compliment. The BIG NEWS, as I wrote Becky, is Helen and me driving to Texas so she can see Maggie for two weeks and I can see my family in San Antonio while she does. We are to leave October 29 and returning late November 13th. Amy says it can be done by one person, but Helen wants to drive some too. Will do it if the Dorothy decides if we can afford the two weeks off. Your prayers for my safety will be quite naturally appreciated concerning this proposed endeavor. R.

I'm afraid that sort of behavior is all too predictable and I'm sorry it's beginning to happen. #1: We need to remember that Helen being alone is not the same as you or I being alone. Her brain does not have any real "point of reference" i.e. another human being. We at least know there is someone in the house with us. She's in outer space. #2: I don't want to call it sundowning yet. As I've said, we'll know more definitely when Daylight Savings Time ends, still it, and her behavior yesterday around 5:30 points to that, I'm afraid. I awoke with a start at 3:30, blood pressure sky high (I have medicine) worrying about her (even though they say "worry is a form of atheism"). Still, I'm a bit of a worrier and she is never far from my mind.

It looks like real, live, people and movies are our best bet now, at least while she's home. Does she enjoy going out in general? As the leaves change, there's always the Smokies, as long as you don't think that's too long a time for her. She said to me once, "Why do I need to go look at the leaves in the mountains when I've got all the Fall colors right out my front door?" She has a point. Any ideas for day trips would be welcome.

'Tell you what. I'm going to shift my hours forward (backward?) today (10:30-11 to 4 or 5:30) so I can stop by the downtown library and get some of those DVDs I mentioned in my blog report (they open at 10). Heck, I may even join NetFliks or Blockbuster on-line so I'll have a wider selection to choose from. That will also put me out there later in the day. I think her morning routine can hold her for that long. After that, she needs a real, live person. I am also bringing out a quiche Dorothy made for her. As she said, "You could have this for breakfast, lunch or dinner. She really enjoyed it. I'm not sure she'd ever had it before. Marie Callender's pot pies are good too as you can cook them in the microwave and she doesn't skimp on the chicken. There are other easy-fix good frozen food things that are good. The companies seem to have picked up on the fact that nobody has the time or energy to prepare a good meal after a day's work. At least Dorothy and I don't.

I think the moving around of hours will let me see if she's sundowning or not, especially after DST ends, as I said. That phone call you got worries me as that is quite a bad symptom, something she's not done before. Maybe when you are out there, you can program my phone number into her cell. IF she is going to call people late, we may as well spread it around. Fortunately, Don Williams has always been one of my favorite artists, so I don't mind the interminable concerts everyday. Still, she had definitely slipped down a rung. I hope she's not getting her days and nights turned around, which may be on the horizon. She dropped off to sleep in her chair yesterday. Maybe I can wear her out...:)

I tripped on that outside doormat leaving the house yesterday as it had scooted away from the door. Perhaps a larger, thinner one held tight with some double-sided tape (I have some very strong kind) would not be a bad idea.

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to add to what Amy said about our visit with Mom on Sun.
Yes, we cleaned and visited, cleaned some more and then some more. As Amy mentioned, Mom was having a good day Sunday. She seemed to remember things and didn't repeat things "TOO" much...lol. Things with her started changing around 4:30. She spotted a blue Heron down at the pond. She was so excited about seeing that bird. She kept saying she hadn't seen one of those birds out there for years and years. (When in reality, she and Amy saw one last week and commented on it.) I took her to Ky Fried Chicken about 5:00 and she ordered a Wrap. She wasn't too thrilled about her choice, but ate it like she was starved to death. Next we made our usual stop to get her English Toffee she loves so much. Then proceeded home. I cleaned a little more and then left about 7:00.
About 11:00 that night I got a phone call from Mom. She never calls, so this was much the shock. She said "Becky...you'll never guess what I'm doing right now". I said, "what are you doing Mom". She told me she was watching the most wonderful thing. Said she had gotten a DVD of Don Williams playing a show in Africa. She went on and on and on and on telling me everything he was doing. Then she said "Listen". She put her phone up close the the TV and held it there for me to hear one of Don Williams songs. Then she wanted me to listen to another and another and another. I had to listen to all the songs on that DVD. Again, she started asking me if I had watched her DVD. I told her next time I was out there I'd love to watch her DVD with her (again). She chuckled and told me she had watched that same video 3 times.
I just went along with whatever I needed to, in order to not burst her little bubble.

Night All
Becky

A very interesting day. I came out with the intent to clean, which I did: french door windows, the bathroom in the back bedroom (yuck) which, though clean, neither toilet or bathtub is draining. I'll get some Drano or something, unless someone knows in advance that this is a futile gesture.

Looked for her med, but Scott is taking care of that, though I will be happy to do it. Memory was not good today, my acting was. "Oh wow! You got a new Don Williams in Africa tape! Great! Let's watch it!" We had some of Amy's delicious stroganoff for lunch, Gary brought over what I hope will be supper.

The odd thing about (theme of) the whole day was that she didn't like me leaving the room to clean and when I went to leave, kept finding things to keep me there. My reward? A heartfelt, "Thank you, Rob, for coming out here to see me." I felt like I had really been doing something worthwhile. 'Made the whole day for me, as I guess it did for Helen.

She was totally hypnotized over a couple of old Bonanza reruns. They kept her focussed 100%. I am going to the library soon to get us some DVDs to watch. I don't feel the plot should be any more complicated than Bonanza plots are. Lonesome Dove for sure, Liberty Valance and The Shootist and finally, especially, True Grit is one I think she'll get a big kick out of with that wonderful young girl acting in it. Maybe she won't notice Glen Campbell. Simple. Upbeat. Good guys win. That sort of movie.

Long and short, as well-meaning as my cleaning ventures are, Helen needs what I am at present, a friend. I'll consider that my prime responsibility. I always kind of thought it would be fun to be an actor and the benefits to just being there for Helen cannot be measured, in my opinion. It's not a job, it's a privilege.

It was a pretty good day today. Mom was doing ok even tho she kind of deosnt' remember yesterday. She said Rob was out yesterday for several hours. I asked, "Yesterday, Mom ?" "Yep !" she said. Oh course, yesterday wasn't a particularly fun day for most of us around these parts. I could forget it, too.
It was a cleaning day. Mom doesn't do much of that anymore except for her dishes. So the floors got swept and the kitchen and bath mopped. The garbage cans on the deck got emptied and rinsed. The bathroom got cleaned. Mom swept the deck while we worked and then sat down to rest for a while. She used her little broom to sweep the piles I was making into a big dustpan so I could take it to the trashcan.
There are now plenty of paper towels, t.p., cleaning and dusting supplies, etc, etc, to let us keep things reasonably clean for a while. Mom said Cindy found a couple girls through Hancocks grocery to come to Mom's one day a couple years ago and take down all the tins and wash them. I think that would be a good thing to do again. I'll have to check with Cindy to see if she remembers who did it..... or with Rob to see if he wants to.
Mom was, like I said, pretty good. It's still hard for me to hear her stories. But I guess that's my problem to learn to handle.
When I left, Becky was still there. Beck said she'd eat some dinner w/ Mom since I hadn't seem Mom eat. I got there about 10, left at 3:30.
And.... Carl and Della had a blast. No heat injuries today - but Della has learned to dig in red clay so they both got a bath when we got home. Can you say tired poodles ? Heh...... yeah.

Peace,
Amy

A very good day for Helen. We spent the morning solving the world's problems, then ate some delicious quiche Dorothy had made for us (which Helen devoured) and settled in to watch Don Williams' Africa concert. (We seem to have lost the London concert....?). Scott came by before noon and made sure Helen took her "dope." Amy came a bit before 4. A good time was had by all. Helen is definitely more energized with more company there, so y'all come!

Out to the farm today 9:45-2:45, easing into my being there again. Met Cactus. 'Don't know about him. Unusual for sure. He talks loud, I'll say that much. 'Wants you to know how much he knows.

Helen also wanted to talk, and talk we did, then talked some more. We talked until lunch, went to Hancock's for a burger, then back home and....well.... talked again.

I did not get on her about her medicine. I felt like it was not my place to do so until she knows why I am actually out there. But at present I am a guest and guests don't normally do that kind of thing, at least not at my house they don't. I know this is a concern of the family Any feedback on this issue is very much welcome.

I asked her if there was anything she needed ("no") and said that if there ever was, or if she just wanted to get out and about, that we'd go...wherever, whenever, ("o.k.").

From the conversation, as she dealt more with matters of the heart, it affirmed my belief that she is doing what all people her age do, that is, deciding whether her life has been good or not. I affirmed it right across the board. There was repetition as she became more tired in the afternoon.

Don't be upset if she won't talk about what you want to talk about. She has her own agenda as to conversation topics and it's better (for her and for us) to just go along with it and not get annoyed that it seems like she's not listening. She is "working things out" and anyway to help her do this

is a good thing. You can tell especially if she keeps returning to bothersome (to her) topics or waxes philosophical about "Life, Death, etc." Let her. Affirm her. That's my advice.

Asked her if it was o.k. to come out tomorrow ("sure"). Will extend my time an hour each successive day as I ease into my role, but more importantly, easing her into it as well. The real reason I'm there will have to come out sooner better than later. That's a real kid-gloves operation. Any volunteers?

Wonderful banister and believe me, she used it! I used it! There are definite gait issues and my hand was right there all of the time (w/o actually touching her) just in case she misstepped. She used her cane at all times.

Such was my re-entry this Thursday. 'Will post tomorrow evening after my visit. R.

Hello all. It looks like I may be ready to resume my visits to Helen next week. I'm not sure of the day yet. I have been ill for going on 4 weeks now-swine flu with secondary and tertiary infections.

It's getting rather old, (as am I, I suppose) believe me. Anyway, I seem to be on the correct antibiotic and though I was "lie-down sick" for part of today, I believe the light at the end of this particular tunnel is not another train.

I'm thinking middle of the week, as early as Tuesday, as late as Thursday. I have to have two days in a row w/o fever to not be contagious. The last thing Helen (or anybody) needs is what I've had. Am measuring progress by how long I can stay "up." Still have a low-grade fever but it seems to be getting back towards normal. Onward and upward. Thank you for your prayers. I've needed that "invisible means of support" very much.

Tuesday 15 Sept

Hi All,
went out to visit with Mom today. She seemed happy to see me so perhaps she is choosing to ignore my outburst of last week. I hope so... I guess fear does a lot to people sometimes - including me. At any rate, we had a nice chat, read together for a while, I watched her Don Williams in Africa DVD with her. Lisened to the same story two or three times but otherwise had a pretty down-to-earth conversation with her about her independence and the fact that I don't want to take that from her. But that I do fear for her. whatever. God and I are still working on what I need to be doing and how I need to be feeling. I want to be a dutiful daughter, I'm just not sure exactly what that entails.

When I asked her if she had been watching her Don Wiliams stuff she said no, her dvd player was broken and that she had no way to watch it. I said Mom, it looks like your new tv will play a dvd... and I shower her how to use it again. Maybe with enough repetition it'll sink in. We'll see, I guess.

Carl had some sort of attack while we were out there. He got overheated I think, playing ball..... he was panting and panting and then all of the sudden wouldn't breathe. It probably lasted maybe 20 or 25 seconds. I put him in the sink and cooled his belly down with some cool water shower but it still took about 10 miutes before he got back t his normal self. It was scary and I don't think I'll be taking him out there again if it is even a little warm and humid. : (

Anyway - that's all for now. I think Scott took Mom's Aricept to put in a big daily reminder pill box for her. Maybe that will help remind her to take it.


Ya'll be well,
Amy

M.e again

I went out to see Mom again today. She was a little less foggy today than yesterday. She seemed really quite and withdrawn early on. I couldn't get her to talk. She just really seemed down, which is not normal for Mom.
We decided to stop at Micky D's and split a big angus burger (which by the way is really good). Then we went out to see McKenna, then stopped by April's and picked up Austin. We then traveled to Oak Ridge to see Lex, Vic, Daisy...Austin was already with us.
I had ordered Mom another Don Williams DVD. It was him performing live in Africa. I had asked her earlier in the morning if she had watched it yet. She explained to me that her DVD player had gotten a dvd stuck in it. She said Rob and Amy BOTH had tried and tried to get it out. When they weren't able to, Mom told me that Amy had taken it into Shields Elec. to get it fixed.
The reality was this.....Amy had replaced Mom's TV she had gotten her for her birthday with a new one that had a DVD player with it. An all-in-one thing. Amy told me Mom had watched several DVD's on it and that she knew how to put the dvds in.
Mom went on saying that she couldn't wait to get her DVD player back so she could watch her new Don Williams dvd.
When I took her home I put the DVD in for her and started it right up. She told me "why...I never knew that thing had a dvd player with it".
I sat there and watched it with her and while doing so I looked at her Aricep med. bottle. It showed that it was filled on Sept. 2. This is the 13th and only 3 pills had been taken..:-(( She still is not remembering to take her meds. I'll be really glad when Rob gets over his flu/whatever else and can start staying with Mom again. On the days he out there, he can make sure she takes her meds. Of course I made sure she took her pill. That was no problem at all.
Anyway, Mom had a good day and she LOVES her new DVD player and her new DVD of DW.
That's it for today,
Night All
B

Sat. w/ Mom

Just to post...I went out to see Mom Saturday. We went out to eat and split an order of lamb chops and creamed spinach at the Chop House. Mom dearly loves their creamed spinach.
Pretty much she was about the same. A little fuzzy on remembering different things. Gary took her to hear music last night. She ALWAYS loves for someone to take her there!
Becky

Sept 11.... I have a hard time on this day

And it shows.

I got off work early today and got to the farm about noon. No Mom. No car. Gary said she hadn't called him or walked to his place to see if he could go with/take her anywhere. He was watching divorce court when he heard her car leave.
Gary called Hancocks and asked if she was there. They said she had been but they didn't have her brand of cigarettes so she went over to the highway. Oh ! And Cactus was there so he went with her.
I was sitting in my car talking on the phone when she drove up. I don't even think the presence of my car registered with her because when I walked into the house a few minutes later she looked surprised.

I told her I was glad she was home safe. Then I asked her why she didn't call someone to bring her what she needed. And then I told her it hurt when it appears she can't lean on her kids for a change since we've all leaned on her our whole lives..... said it would give us a chance to give back a little.

Then I asked her about her cane. " I don't need that anymore." she said. And I lost it. I raised my voice and literally stomped my feet. The deck is wet, the steps are wet, the grass is wet. So, I lost my temper.

She says. "But what about my independence ?" I told her that Grandma had realized when to give her up ! It was not pleasant, this little interlude.

So - there you have my confession. And - know that I am doing my best to give this all up to God. I can only do what she will let me do. That is all ANY of us can do. Legally, we have no recourse unless someone wants to take her to court, strip her of her rights and become responsible for it all.

Ya'll say a prayer for me as I battle this out in my heart and in my head, will you ? I need them desperately right now.

I love you,
a

Hi all,
just a quick note before work. I was at Mom's on Monday and again on Wednesday. Monday saw the installation of her new little tv. Apparently her little dvd player bit the dust so I replaced it and the little tv I got her for her birthday with a tv/dvd combo. That's good because now she can't spill coffee in the dvd player !! And she gets to watch her Don Williams video again. : ) I really can't poke fun at that - I read old familiar books over and over.
Chuck, Larise, Jake and a Jake-friend were there on Monday playing, fishing, etc. Chuck and I both brought out some Sobe for her so she should be set with that for the week. I also took out some chicken and dumplings which, when I checked yesterday, had actually been partially consumed. Yay !!
Yesterday she was out of milk so I stopped and got her a gallon. She does like to drink her milk. Now if she would just like to take her pills !! Speaking of which - I think she is out of Aricept. I'll have to check Friday when I go out and see if Scott or Cindy can pick up a new bottle for her. If they can't then I guess I'll pick it up Saturday and take it out.
She seems pretty okay. A little bleary eyed and repeating herself but she's not talking of driving anywhere or doing other unsafe things. We shall see.
Just wanted you all to know that she hasn't been without visitors over this long weekend. I know she has a grocery list started. If she deosn't get to the store by Saturday I suppose she and I will go. I'll let you know how that goes.

Love yas,
a

Hi all,
it is Friday. I stopped by Mom's on the way home from Sevierville. She and Gary are going to Harrogate for the music tonight. She seemed pretty good, a little frayed, maybe. I checked to see if she had driven herself to the bank and she said that no, Scott had taken her. :-) Yay Scott !
Anyway, she'll be home Saturday then off the W.Va with Gary on Sunday to return home late Sunday evening. So all is well with her weekend.
I did check her Aricept bottle. it's empty. I'll see about getting the rx refilled next week.

I'm saying prayers for her and all of us, especially for Rob and Dorothy who are dealing with the flu.

Love yas,
Amy

Today, Wednesday, I only spoke with Helen on the phone to make a date for a Hancock Grocery Hamburger, but she had just finished her lunch (10:00) of the heated up onion rings from Cindy's birthday dinner. Amy brought by a TV/DVD/CD (all in one!) and I was to stop by and see Scott and then go out to set it up for her.

Shortly thereafter I became suddenly quite febrile and developed the whole gamut of symptoms commonly known as the flu. I do not know which kind it is. Scott forbade me to see him, smart fellow that he is. I then called Helen and told her I would not be coming out with my germs. I then called Gary, told him my situation and made him promise to double-check on Helen until this whatever it is lets go of me. (He said to let him know if I were to need anything. Imagine that.) Anyway, I don't think that I will be out to companion tomorrow. This bug is the very last thing she needs at her age.

Helen's Buick locksmith will be there between 10 and 11 tomorrow to make keys for her car, two, one to keep and one to hide from us. Let's hope for the best.

Dorothy also sick as is her boss and my friend at the library. Whatever it is, it is, or appears to be, highly contagious. I will conduct my companionship duties accordingly, not wanting to infect the mom. Keep your hands washed and do not touch your face (something we all do about every 5 minutes!)

And so, keep in touch with Helen via phone and/or visit and if you visit after 12, be careful of any and all cream-colored Buicks on the road.

Even if it is that flu, I am not in a high-risk group (at least I don't think I'm pregnant) and it is not a particularly bad flu, they say, although it can last as long as a week. We'll just have to wait and see if that is true or not. I am sorry to drop the ball on everyone like this, but I may as well get it over with now while things are still 1/2-way manageable.

And that, my friends, is the news from Lake Wobegon. Will post again soon.

And don't forget to pray. R.

Monday. The longest continuous conversation I've ever had in my 60 years. Really. Unfortunately the length of the conversation gave Helen plenty of opportunities to repeat herself quite a lot, the worst I've witnessed. She seemed tired, and I suspect a connection between the two. Brought her chicken salad, 1/2 of which she ate. With her high caffeine and nicotine intake, it's a wonder to me she has an appetite at all. She obviously doesn't burn a lot of calories. Suggest offering small portions. If she wants seconds, pile it on.

We discussed her Aricept (she brought it up) and she said her children wanted her to take it, that it was supposed to help her memory. She's moved the bottle to her chairside. I innocently asked, "doesn't that med have a sedative side effect? This has been her previous excuse for not taking it. She said "no." It will take some pill-counting to see if she is being compliant (and not stuffing a pill under her chair cushion!) People do that, I know from my experience with a nursing home patient.

One noteworthy thing: Gary came by about 4:30-5 (swollen feet/ankles, I noticed) and asked what Helen had read that day. Helen said "why do I need to read anything when I have Rob to talk to all day?" I must be a welcome addition to her life after all. 40 hr. workweek on the horizon. Insurance company sending forms to fill out to Scott. All we need now is to do "good cop/bad cop" with the doctor(s) playing bad cop, telling her she needs a daytime companion (no longer to be referred as "caregiver", please. Companion to Helen is what I have been to Helen since the Seventies, so that will play better with her.)

I told her "you're really the only mother I've ever had and then broke down in spite of myself. Feelings run deep.

Amy there today (Tuesday) to keep from blowing my "undercover" status until the doctor orders full-time companionship without the option. That leaves us in a "good cop" role, which is ideal. No one likes their children to tell them what to do. It's an intolerable role-reversal for almost all of the elderly. It's predictable, I have observed, as have you all!

Rob,
I can't say thank you enough for being the loving friend, to all of us, that you are. I thank you also for your insight and educating us on this grim matter. You are a true gift from God.
Thank you too Amy for making this possible for Mom.
Love you both,
B

Drew,
Mom is, for the most part, pretty ok ! Her mind an be as sharp as a tack on a lot of days, but..... that doesn't translate into taking care of herself. She is supposed to take Aricept every day. If I call and ask her if she has done so, she always says - 'yes, I took it'. But then - like today, I go out there and count the pills in her bottle. 6. There were 6 pills in her bottle LAST Friday !! Aricept is supposed to help her memory not deteriorate.
She is getting physically frail. You know how much she has shrunk in height over the past few years. You know also that she is as independent as all cussedness. I asked her today to use her cane when she went outside. She totally blew me off.
She is still Granny. She will always love you and will remember you and your friends as long as she has her memories.
I will do my best to be honest and open with you about how Mom is. I don't pull many punches. Please feel free to call me or email me (amy9990@gmail.com or 865-384-2962) anytime if you have questions or concerns.
Visit when you can, love always, and don't EVER feel bad about living YOUR life. Granny would want you to and expect you to.
I love you,
a

In answer to Drew, Jill Joey and Charlie Robert's question: Even with dementia, a person will maintain life-long skills, in your case, casual conversation e.g. "Hi. I'm doing fine. I miss you." things like that. Making a pot of coffee, dressing, taking a shower, things she has done all her life, she can still do. I wouldn't be surprised if she could still beat me at canasta. Also there is a goodly part of Helen that is still quite intact enough to "get it together" for phone calls, company, etc.

So, yes, she has dementia and yes, she can still make good, casual conversation (see my entry below). It is only when she is "out of her element" (e.g. Dr.'s office) that a practiced eye would notice something amiss. So, don't despair. Granny is still very much the granny you have always known and loved. The main issues are medicine non-compliance and an unsteady gait. Do call frequently, especially in the evening when she is often by herself. Keeping her "connected" to others is a big help, either by phone or visit. Don't forget to pray. R.

Things went very well today. I came a little earlier, stayed a little later until Amy was able to stop by. Helen and I carried on a very long (2hr.), interesting conversation, most of which was about Alzheimer's Disease and it's manifestations! I told her how glad I was to have someone to be with during the day and to be out in God's Country. She responded by saying she was glad as was there as she was lonely too and "didn't even have a dog anymore." There is no un-truth in all of this. Monday, I am going to call and ask permission to come out, thus giving her a goodly measure of control, so much of which she has lost in other areas of her life. (I don't know what I'll do if she says "no." I'll call one of you, I guess.) She wants me to bring my carving out there to do.

About 2 we went to Hancock's for a cheeseburger, which she finished. Later, when Amy was there, she enquired about Colace dosages, needed, I assume because 1) everything slows down with age and 2) her diet, or lack thereof. Amy brought groceries. No junk.

Perhaps, for now anyway, the reason my company is welcome is because I'm not coming at her with any dementia-related issues....yet. I'll let prayer and timing tell me when to introduce, first, the taking of her meds. I don't know how she will take to me fixing us a healthy lunch. There's always peach milkshakes!

Amy expressed doubts about Gary taking to his new insulin/diet regime, which is understandable considering his track record with the pre-ketoacidotic episode. It could go either way. I'm trying to get up my nerve to ask him to let me look at his feet. I don't know what he's eating. He's been so important to Helen's "having someone there" his condition will warrant as much monitoring as I can manage, not really knowing him.

8/28/09

Would anyone argue that my Granny does a better job of communicating over the phone versus in person? I speak with her once a week usually during the daytime on Thursday's or Friday's and she appears to be the same, sharp, alert, cognitive person that I have always known and remembered. With Jill and I being in Greenville and not getting up to Knoxville and visiting as much as I know we should I make a conscious effort speak with my Granny consistently. I offer the aforementioned question to answer my own concerns about her health. Obviously I can see no physical differences over the phone, but am curious as to what the difference are live and being with her as compared to telephone conversations. In the last three years she has not repeated a story, confused dates and times, or called me by another name anymore than my peers. Helen always reminds me of how sorry she is that she was not able to attend our wedding and asks that I please send pictures. She asks about my friends Josh and Lindsay Ward and how they are doing with their teaching careers. These type of questions about my friends and recent events remind me that she is very sharp at times and can have a wonderful memory. I always try to look at her health as objectively as possible and not romanticize the idea of my granny growing older and more forgetful. I hope someone can provide some insight and any thoughts, ideas or feedback would be wonderful.

Thanks and Love,

Drew, Jill, Joey and Charlie Roberts

O.K. At Becky's request, I went out this afternoon (Thursday) on the not-so-far-from-the-truth pretext of "checking in on Gary." Of course, this was my "cover" for checking in on Helen, too. I only went for a couple of hours. The most obvious danger to Helen I saw was her ability to walk. Yes, she used her cane, but was unsteady, even on it. She told me later she never used it anymore. Didn't need to. Also, in the course of a fairly long and pleasant conversation, she made reference to her belief that "not needing care" was every state short of needing to be in a hospital bed. It's going to be hard to "sell" my visits, especially on a daily basis. Perhaps the best tactic would be to say "Rob is all alone all day and he likes to come out to the farm for a little company. He can just be at the house, take a nap, read, check on Gary...whatever....Rob's a lonely guy right now. You'd be doing him a favor, he isn't your "caregiver" he's just Rob, wanting to spend the day in the country with an old friend." That's more likely to bring a "sure, I don't mind, tell him to come on out" response than anything else I can think of right now. Again, I'm pretty sure we're looking at another fall in the future and I think Becky's banister idea cannot be implemented a moment too soon. Helen's conversation was good. She even showed a flash of insight as to why there was someone in the field behind the house with what we used to call a "steam shovel." "I know why he's down there, Ed used to have to rework the drainage down there from the pond!" That was correct. Yes, she repeated herself, but not with the same story today, just things she had told me about before.

Judging from Tamara's opinion today that full-time care was warranted and that the insurance company would agree and "back pay" for caregiver time once the go-ahead was given, it may be time for the deciding parties to meet and decide the best method to go about this. Again, it's o.k. to make the doctor (be it Perra or the geriatrician) "the bad guy."Given, I can't/won't shadow her every step she takes to prevent the predicted fall, but we can "have lunch together" thus insuring her meal intake. I am still of the opinion that a boom!, 8 hour visit is better accomplished in increments, a little longer every little bit. Helen still knows "what's what" and has never been anybody's fool. She wants her independence until it's "hospital bed time."

Finally, since Helen is beginning to "sundown" (get looser in the head at that time of day, a predictable feature of dementia), it may be that a hypothetical 8-5 presence would serve her better by being a 10-7 presence as that would cover at least part of the sundowning as it worsens. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it.

R.

Hi All,
Just wanted you to know I picked up Mom early Monday am and took her to the hospital to visit Gary. We stopped at Walmart first and then Wendy's to get Mom and Kathy something to eat. She sat down in the hospital entrance til I parked the car then I wheelchaired her up to visit Gary. I stayed about 20 minutes. By the way, Gary looks pretty bad :-(. Kathy was going back out to the farm that evening so she took Mom home. They got home about 4:30. I called Mom about 6:00 and asked her how the day went. She replied "Good, Scott came by and picked me up on his way to work this morning and took me by the hospital so I could sit with Gary" :-(( I then replied "Well, that sure was nice of Scott". She said "yep".
This is now Tuesday evening. I spoke with the claim rep. at John Hancock Ins. today. She told me Dr. Perra's Plan of Care had just been received today. She had also received some letters from us as well, describing how we see Mom. She's suppose to call me Wed. and let me know if she needs anything else before she takes the info in for a reconsideration review.
Hey Amy, thanks so much for spending the day and evening with Mom. Sorry I couldn't pitch in today.
Love to all,
B

This is Becky
It's Mon 9:30 am. They had moved Gary to CCU and now they are moving him to rom 395. I spoke with Kathy and Dr. told them they thought his medicines had over loaded his kidneys causing them to shut down. They hope to get his meds under control. He's expected to be in hospital 2 or 3 days. Hopefully that's all. I'm headed out to get Mom this am and take her in to hospital so she can sit with Kathy today.
Gary is at St. Mary's
love all

Well it was a good weekend mostly. Mom was in pretty good spirits Saturday and Sunday. Hope and Sam came in late Saturday afternoon and I think she enjoyed seeing them a lot ! Rob and Dorothy came over for a while on Sunday and stayed to chat for a little while. I know Mom ate breakfast Sunday and I left prepared food for her on Sunday afternoon but I don't know if she ate it. She seemed to not have much appetite Sunday.
Worrisome is the fact that Gary is in the ICU at St Mary's. Please say a prayer for him. His diabetes is acting up. He came out to say hello to me when I got there Sunday and said he was having a bunch of muscle cramps and was in some pain. A half hour later Cathy called and said she couldn't rouse him. She called the ambulance to come get him. His EKG on the ambulance didn't show any heart problems, really. But he had a bunch of Ketones in his blood (Google Diabetic Ketoacidosis to see what this is). Anyway, he was pretty much unresponsive even at the hospital. He did come around enough to ask for his kids but then drifted out again. The medics are going to rule out a stroke today and try to get his diabetes stabilized.
I think Becky is going to spend part of Monday with Mom. I'll be out there on Tuesday and on Wednesday for part of those days. Gary has been Mom's lifeline and we'll be hard pressed if he doesn't come back to the farm. He checks on Mom several times a day, just going over to chat or to sit and keep her company. I don't know how severely this will affect her. I fear she will want to drive herself to St Mary's to see him. I'll be happy to take her when I get out there but she won't remember that I've told her that.
Anyway - it was wonderful to see Hope and Sam ! I hope they made it back to Chattanooga without problems. I'll probably call them tonight to make sure unless they post here of their visit.
That is all for now.
Love,
Amy

I talked to Mom this am. She told me she had driven to Hancock's and bought 2 packs of cigs. Yesterday the story was she drove there to get a hamburger. If she only got 2 packs (YEEKS!!!) that means she will want to go to the store again to get more. Maybe someone could take her a carton. I won't be able to visit this weekend. I need to help Vic out with the kids which will include today, tonight and tomorrow.
Love to all,
B

Hi all,
I just returned from Mom's. She had company - Gary's son Bradley and his friend Ben. Nice enough kids, I guess but both bummed cigarettes off me and/or Mom.
Anyway - I stopped and got some rotisserie chicken t take out there and I had made some marinara with italian sausage that I had planned on sharing with Mom for dinner. I also picked up some pasta to cook for the marinara but.... back to this.
Just about as soon as I walked in MOther said "Amy, I deifed all of these male types out here today!" I asked her how she managed to do that and she said "I just got in my car and drove to Hancocks." Hmm. Well...... I stewed about that for a few minutes, trying to keep a rein on my tongue.
Attempting to change the subject I asked if she had eaten that day. Yep- breakfast. Bacon and eggs...... and for lunch, chicken and corn and broccoli. That sounds good Mom ! I'll bet you're full.
2 minuts later: I am going to indulge myself, she says, and gets down a package of Oreos and eats about 6 of them. Later, she spies a plate on the table and says "See ! I did have breakfast and here is the plate I used" then she walked to the little fridge, pulled out a huge sweetroll and said "And that is what I ate!" I said... "Mom, not 5 minutes ago you told me you had bacon and eggs !" She said "Well, I had 2 breakfasts." She's quick.
Anyway - I ended up sitting and listening to her chat with Bradley and Ben about the farm and us kids and the like. It was interesting when Ben asked her how many kids her kids have she only mentioned two of the kids and three of the grandkids. Her mind simply can't hold a thought for long.
At one point, she was walking across the living room and I asked her where her cane was. She said it was in the corner by her chair. I looked. No care. I asked her again and she said she must have left it in the car when she went to the store. So - I went to the garage, checked the car, got her cane, and oh yeah, I hid the keys. She won't be driving anywhere soon.
I left the food in the care of Brad and Ben, checked ot make sure Brad knew how to cook pasta and left it with them to have dinner with Mom. Gary is out until late tonight as he has gone to Tazwell for the car races.
Guys - this is very hard for me. I have never really thought of myself as a control freak but this situation with a defiant mom is really tweaking my switches. I know it isn't her fault and I can't say I am mad at her..... but I am mad. And I realize I'm pretty helpless except to do things like hide her keys and have meals with her sometimes. I cannot quit work and I know Rob will be installed there soon during the day. But it's not an easy road.
I'll be going out there tomorrow I suppose. I'll check to see that she at least eats lunch (I hope) Also, Hope and Sam are supposed to come up sometime this weekend. We'll see how that visit goes.
That is my update.

Love yas,
a

Hi all,
Just to keep you posted on the frequecy of happenings. this am I called Mom as usual. We were chit chatting about much of nothing. Trying to find something to talk about, I asked her how her new panties washed up..."did they shrink, or anything Mom". She "no, I just put them in the washer and then turned my rinse water to hot and then put them in the drainer to dry". ?>*&^#!@
I said "you put your PANTIES in the drainer to dry?" She said "NO my dishes".
Mid stream.
She also talked about being bored. She said if she gets too bored she'll just hop in her car and go somewhere. She said she drove down to Hancock's the other day and got a hamburger. (I doubt she did that).
She said she drove over to Cindy's last night. Did she or didn't she? I have no idea.
All for now.
B

Well, this is Wed, the day after our rather emotional meeting with Mom and Dr. Perra and us. Tuesday evening she had a conversation with Aunt Maggie and told her what a wonderful day she had had. Maggie asked her what made it so good and Mom said she had a doc. appt. and everybody was there. She was SO happy. Maggie asked her why everybody was there and she told her that none of us believe her when she tells us Dr. Perra tells her she is doing fine. She said, we all wanted to come here it for ourselves. She was very tickled that we were there.
About an hour after Maggie called her I called her again to check on her. After we talked about the weather and such, I asked her what she had done the rest of the day. She told me.."Well, Scott came by and picked me up early cause I had an appt. w/ Dr. Perra." (realizing she had not remembered us being there) I asked her what Dr. Perra had to say. Mom replied that Dr. Perra told her she was doing really good and to keep on doing whatever she was doing. I asked Mom about her weight gain or loss and she told me there was no change. Then she told me Scott took her to Hancock's to eat lunch. After that, she was too worn out to go to the store (all of that was true).
I called her this am as usual and asked her about her morning and what she had eaten for breakfast. She told me something different than she told Gary when he had asked her. I asked Gary to go over and look for any signs that she had even eaten at all. Yes...believe it or not, she had indeed eaten. There was a plate in the sink and eggs shells were on the counter. When I called her, there was so much static on her line that I told her to hang up and I'd call her on her cell phone. It went straight to voice mail. When I called her back and tried to explain how to press the "end" button to make the phone come back on she couldn't grasp how to do that. But, as usual, she was happy and laughing on the phone.
Gary went back over there and she told him she was going to take herself to the store (YEEKS!!) Don't worry, Gary knows not to let her drive. So he ended up taking her. Before they left for the store she started telling him about the meeting with Dr. Perra and all of us. She was cursing mad. Said she didn't need anybody to stay with her..etc,etc. Don't worry...Mom still doesn't use the Lord's name in vain, nor does she use the "F" word. Gary difused her anger and they went to the store. As usual, Mom bought Hershey bars, Snickers, M&M's, Mrs. Werther's candy, pastries, do-nuts, honey buns and her usual other sweets. It's really hard to get her to buy anything other than candy and sweets.
Anyway, I talked to her at 4:30 today and she has no recall again of the meeting with all of us and Dr. Perra. So, at this time she is happy.
By the way, Ed and I went by to see Mom on Monday and took her to Hancock's, she ate a whole hamburger, a whole order of fries and a whole pint of milk. Scott took her to eat at Hancock's Tuesday and he said she ate a lot also.
When she's at home by herself, she just forgets to eat.
That's all for now.
Becky

The meeting

Thank you all for coming to Mom's appt with Dr Perra yesterday. It was difficult but not as bad as I had feared. The end result is what we were after though and it is a blessing that she acquiesced. I felt sorry for her though as we were leaving - smacking her cane against the floor and saying "I am capable!" Well of course she is for many things. It is the things she isn't so capable in that are so concerning.
May Kudos to you all for helping her through a moment of real frustration and anger. The "C'mon Mom, we're just scamming the insurance company" line was absolutely great and seemed to give her the 'out' she needed.
Mom is wonderfully giving as a general rule and if she thinks this is all done to help somebody out, who cares ? It accomplishes the goal of having someone with her to watch out for her safety and well-being.

Now..... Becky talked to her last evening and unfortunately Mom didn't recall the fact that we had all been with her at the Dr. office. So, I doubt she will recall that Rob is going to be staying with her during the day. Hopefully that will start soon! I'll get my letter off to the insurance company today to hopefully lend some support to the letter Dr Perra writes so that we can get her ong Term care policy to kick in and Rob can get paid to do what is going to be a frustrating (at times) task.

One step at a time in this for all of us. It seems that our path is an uphill one in many respects. Mom will have good days but she will have bad ones, too. Her path is mostly going to be a sliding one. In the last 2 years I've noticed a definite decline. Yesterday in the Dr office Suzanne asked if she had had a good time at Aunt Maggies. Mom said she did and that they had done 'the usual stuff'. Then Rob asked if it had been hot. Mom said that "It wasn't too bad. But I was there early in the season so the hottest it got was maybe 92 or 93."
Mom doesn't lie, exactly. But when she loses a memory it is a protective thing to 'fill in the blanks' with what sounds, to her mind, reasonable. I really do encourage all of you to read "The 36-Hour Day" and to listen to "The Savvy Caregiver". Rob has loaned us several copies of Savvy Caregiver. I listened to them as I drove to work and then I checked out the DVD from the library and listened to it again. It is a seminar, run by a social worker who is trying to help the family members of those with dementia learn how their loved one's mind doesn't function anymore. It is an eye-opener and I think, will be helpful for all of us to have some understanding that it isn't Mom - it's the condition.
Does Mom have Alzheimer's ? I don't think so. At least, not yet. But she does have dementia and dementia seldom gets better. It may plateau, and the medicine she should have been taking can help it to plateau, but.... she didn't take that medicine while in Texas. She told Aunt M it was a sleeping pill. :-(
Dr Perra is going to refer Mom to a geriatrics assessment center here in Knoxville and that is good news, indeed !! I've only heard about these places, but I understand they do several hours worth of assessment in several different ways. I expect they will experience Mom's tendency to tell the same story over and over and her inability to learn new skills or tasks. After the assessment we will have a much better idea of where she is right now in the language of demetia (Stage 1 or 2 or 3 or whatever). I think it will help us plan better for her.

Hope, I know you wanted to wait on this Dr appt - family meeting thing but too many plans had already been made. Our ends are accomplished and Mom seems to have accepted it. I say seems, because she didn't remember it last night when Becky talked to her. I do hope you can come up this weekend and that your health improves quickly and uneventfully so that you can be a more frequent presence in all of our lives.

I could go on. But I won't. You all have a sweet day and feel free to post here with questions, thoughts, opinions, etc. I put this board up so that we can save some phone calls and so that questions and comments could be shared by all who were interested. Please use it. It can be a valuable tool.

I love you.
Amy

11 Aug 09

I spoke with Mom last night for a while. She sounded pretty happy and pretty 'with it'. I probably opened a can of worms though and here is my reasoning.
I really would like for Mom to voluntarily seek companionship in the form of someone staying with her at least during the day. I talked to her about how nice it was to have company all the time - Mitzi, Aunt M. Talked to her about how it would be nice if we could arrange that for her here. I mentioned that Rob was looking for something to do and that she could at least try it out for a while.
She said she might consider it in the future when she felt she couldn't take care of herself. I reminded her that she didn't like to eat alone and company would give her someone to eat with and ensure that she ate. I also reminded her that she sometimes forgot to take her medicines and they could help with that, too.
Hmm. Well. She said we could talk about it when she gets home.

Next I talked to Aunt Maggie. She says Mom is pretty good - gets out when Maggie tells her they are going to. Has been eating pretty well. Has developed a taste for Sonic Peach milkshakes. Is a little forgetful but then said "But so am I". And then she asked me "What is Aricept for?" I told her it is to try and help Mom's memory improve or at least not get any worse. Aunt Margaret says Mom refuses to take it. Mom says it is a sleeping pill and she sleeps just fine.
Well and so.

Mother has Dr appt on Tuesday at 8:30 with Dr Perra in the St Mary's Towers suite 505. Becky has arranged this appt to be a meeting with Dr Perra to outline (we hope) a plan of care for Mom. Without a Plan of Care (POC) the insurance company won't pay for any services. All of who can should try to be there as it is a 'family meeting' of sorts with the Doc and Mom. But... Mom doesn't know about it - other than she is going for a check up. We'll see how that goes.

I have talked to Scot tand I hope he understands that I am NOT after cntrol of this situation, but I am after ensuring Mom's safety. He said he found his copy of the limited power of attorney he has. I don't know about the insurances stuff yet. I hope to talk to him again today. He said he'd take care of Mom during the day, that he could resign from Knox-Tenn, but I don't know if the board will let him resign. That, too, needs to be seen.

Anyway - Scott and Cindy are in Nashville this weekend to see Jodi. Scott is willing to pick Mom up and bring her home since he is going to be in Nashville anyway. I think that is probably a good idea. I don't care who gets Mom to accept what is coming but Scott is most likely to since she seems to "obey" his dictates. Again, we'll see.

Rob has been kind enough to provide copies of the audio of a program designed to help people who are experiencing the mental decline of a loved one. I have listened to it and hope all the rest of you will, too. I have two copies of it, please let me know if you want the CDs and I will get them to you. It's pretty sobering.

He also gave me a VCR tape of a movie that was quite well respected about a duaghter dealing with a declining parent. I've ordered the DVD version of this so any who want to see it can do so if they don't hae a VCR anymore. It should be here in a week or so. Again, let me know.

The quest continues.

Family meeting

All,
I've just learned that Hope will not be able to make the meeting tonight. I'm going to call her when we all get together in hopes that she can hear what is going on and participate. I hope all of you have read the email I sent Wednesday so that we can keep this short and informative and so that we can make some decisions on what to do next.

Love yas !
a

Hi All,
Just wanted to let you know. I call Mom (in Texas) at least 2x a day. I've noticed a deffinant difference in her in the mornings. Maggie goes walking and exercising early every morning. Since I've always called Mom every morning, I've continued to do so while she's in Texas. Sometimes she doesn't know where Maggie is and sometimes she remembers she has gone for her walk. She sounds pretty down....not her usual self. When I call again during the day she sounds really good.
She needs to be around people and to get out and do things.
Lol Maggie said the other day Mom had wanted to go to Walmart to get a watch. Evidently she didn't take one from home with her. Maggie said Mom must have asked her 40 times what she needed to go to Walmart for...lol.
Maggie said at times Mom will be talking about something and in mid sentence will just start talking about something completely unrelated. I've experienced that too with Mom. It can be pretty confusing.................Oh well, just part of this long dark road we're traveling down with her. I just hope it's not as sad for her as it is for me.
Love
Becky

Hi all,
I took Mom out with me Thursday. We went to see Lex and Austin. She was w/o out cane all day and I was just waiting for her to crumble. I won't let her go out again w/o it. WAY to dangerous.
Last week she had approximately $500 dollars that disappeared from her wallet. She has looked and looked for the money, Gary has gone over and looked for the money and I believe Amy went over and looked for it also. So, Mom has either hidden the money and forgotten all about that, or someone has helped themselves to her $$$. She had NO $$ left at all. Amy bought her a couple of packs of cigs. Thursday when Gary met me with Mom he stopped and bought her a pack of cigs and breakfast at McDonalds. I took her to the bank again and tried to get her to just get $50.00 out of bank.....but NO she wouldn't hear of it. She was writing a check as we were at the drive through...but couldn't remember how to write the check. She wrote it for $800. I booked her a flight to go see Maggie and decided to get the money for that flight from her, which would rid her of about $455 of that $800. So, Friday when I went out there to take her out she wanted to go to the bank...she had completely forgotten going to the bank the day before. She was insistent that after she paid me for tickets she wanted to end up with $800 to take to Maggies. We went to Cracker Barrel where she ate pretty good, then went home. She was counting the money out to pay me for the tickets and we noticed that between Thrs when she withdrew $800 and Fri., several hundred $$ had been taken or misplaced. Long story short. With the $600 she got out of the bank on Fri. + what was left of the $800 after the Thrs. withdrawal she ended up with $997.00. She wrote me a check for ticket instead of giving me cash. (Cause she wanted to go to Maggies with at least $800. I counted out the $997 to her about 4 times so she could see the amt. then I folded it over and put a red rubber band around it and told her to keep it in her pocket at ALL TIMES. NOT IN HER PURSE. I drove home and about an hour later she called me and asked me if we didn't go to the bank and get some money out. She said she couldn't find it. I held on the phone telling her where to look..she looked and looked. Finally she found it and I made her put it in her purse and while I was talking to her I instructed her where to hide it so we both would know where she put her purse.
She refuses to think that anybody that visits her would take her money and gets very angry when that is suggested as a possibility. So, who knows???, she is either hiding it herself w/o remembering, or there is a thief lurking close by.
My stories go on and on with similar remembrance problems. She'll be leaving Sunday to go to Maggies for 3 weeks. That should give us time to arrange some daily care for her when she returns.
Please provide input...all ideas and help are greatly needed.
love..Becky

Hooch is gone

Becky called me this morning. Gary had called her worried about Hooch. I told Becky I would call to see if I could get an appt and then go out, get Hooch and take him to the vet. By the time I called the vet Hooch was already there. Gary had taken him.
Hooch will not be going back to the farm.

I went out and told Mom that Hooch wasn't going to be coming back and she said "I just can't seem to keep a dog". She cried for a minute. Then we talked of some other things. She said several times though that she would just have to watch the Sunday want ads to find herself another airedale. :-(

Mom is an adult and has all the rights and responsibilities of an adult. She can buy a dog if she wants, no matter what we kids say. I feel for any dog that she manages to find.

I suggested she take a trip to Aunt Maggie's since she is unencumbered for the time being. Maybe she will. Maybe she won't.

While I was there Aunt Gloria called to say hello. Mom told Aunt Gloria that she had just noticed Hooch being a little lethargic and had asked Gary to take him to the vet because she isn't allowed to drive.

Mom didn't even see Hooch today. Gary's son had to carry him off the hill to the car because Hooch couldn't be coaxed into walking (from what I understand. I wan't there).

I am thinking more and more that I will simply move to the farm and live thre with Mom. Someone needs to and since I will be the least damaged financially, I guess it's up to me. I don't know if I will take Carl and Della with me or not. Michael has said he would take them if I need him to, for short term or long term. Maybe with my dogs there she won't feel the need to get another dog. But...... I am not sure I trust the safety of these two city dogs to Mom who feels that dogs need to be allowed to just run free. It will take some convincing for me to leave my dogs with her while I am at work. We'll see how things go.

Scott apparently has the insurance forms but hasn't had time to address them. I am hopeful he'll give them to me or to becky so that we can get a caregiver in for Mom. We can't do anything until the insurance company blesses it and I don't know when Scott is going to have time. He is dealing with his own family issues at present and may be distracted.

I'm going out tomorrow to make a copy of Mom's long term health insurance policy. I think it will be beneficial to know what it says, what it covers, and what it doesn't cover. If anyone else wants a copy, I will burn you one, just ask.

That is all for now...... I am sad. Mom is sad. Gary is sad. Thank God for Gary.... his presence has made it possible for us to put off making the decisions we need to make. But now it's time for Mom's family to be her heroes.

Hey Hope and Sam,
Let me say that on Sat. when I was out at the house with you Mom was doing really good!!! She was connecting thoughts and being truthful with most all of when she was saying.....THAT'S VERY UNUSUAL!!! As you can tell...she has nothing but wonderful memories of Dad. Amy and I have just decided to let her believe that, if that's what makes her happy.
Sometimes when we visit her we hear the same stories over and over in a matter of 3 or 4 hours. When we were out last Friday, she noticed some guys wearing flipflops. She said "My oh my...look at that...since when did men start wearing flipflops?" Last week at grocery store she pointed at a box of instant potatoes and said the same thing.....like she couldn't BELIEVE they had started making instant potatoes. When passing by Wallace Memorial Church...we said "Wow! When did they build that chuch, mentioning last time she saw that space there was nothing there but just a field.
Those tales go on and on.
I hope to be able to bring her down to see you two soon. As you probably noticed, she's not near as strong on her cane when she gets out and about as she is at home just taking a few steps. I worry about her trying to walk too far on her cane. In and out of a restaurant or Weigles is about all she can do w/o really wearing herself out.
Anyway, it sure was wonderful seeing you all. I only wish I could have spent the day with you on Sunday. Darn headaches !!!
Love you and will talk with you soon !!!
Becky

Hope and Sam's Visit of July 18-19,2009

Hello everybody!
Sam and I really enjoyed our visit and I think Mom did too. However, when we went out for dinner Sam mentioned ( I didn't hear this part of the conversation) to mother that we were going to have to leave in a few hours and Mother got sullen and didn't enjoy the rest of the meal. She knew from the beginning that we would be leaving on Sunday evening. The only explanation that I can figure is that she had forgotten which day it was. I hated to disappointed her so much and it really made Sam feel like a heel to have spoiled dinner. Before going to dinner Mother had wanted to drop by Weigle's to get some dog food (because she was out of it that morning) and some other necessaries but after she realized we were leaving soon she didn't want to go to Weigle's anymore and there was nothing that Sam could do to get her to go. She just said she could get those things later. We were talking about it on the drive to Chattanooga and decided to visit at least at least every couple of months, even thinking that I could stay an extra couple of days if someone was available to drive me home. Sam's working extra time trying to save enough money to put on a new roof before the rainy season comes so that makes it hard for him to find time to stay more than a couple of days at a time right now. Other things we noticed
about Mom: she seems to talk a lot about her life having been lived and that she's OK about dying
she, of course, seems to be depressed having given up all her craft pursuits
and I know from experience that a cluttered house only adds to depression so Sam and I were thinking that it would be a good thing to clean up her basement for her. She took us down there to relive old memories and it was hard to do in that environment. Let us know what ya'll think.
I'll try to call mom on her cell phone today to see if she knows how to find it and use it!
Toodle-loo for now,
Sam and Hope
P.S. My e-mail address is hopiedew@gmail.com
I don't know what Sam's is - but I'll find out!
And Becky - I need your e-mail address again!
And Amy, it would be nice to have yours too.
And Scott, Chuck, and what about Tom Thurman?
It would be nice to have them all!

Sat. 18 July '09

Am headed out to Mom's with the dogs. Michael is going with me today so he can play with the dogs and have a day out of downtown. He's still a best friend so don't read a lot into his accompanying me.
I'll post more tonight when I get home.

So. Went to Mom's. She seemed pretty ok except she kept thinking it was Sunday instead of Saturday. Michael and I and the dogs were there for about 3.5 hours.... she chatted, sat on the porch swing, read a little in her book of the day. She did say that Hope and Sam were on their way up from Chattanooga and she expected them just about anytime. I am hopeful that they did manage to get to K-town to see her.
We left about 2 or 2:30 and I told Mom that if Hope and Sam didn't show up that she should call me and I'd come back out and have dinner with her. I had tried to get her to have some lunch with me but she declined saying she wasn't hungry. She did point to a can of Clam Chowder that she said she would eat when she felt the need.
Anyway..... that's kind of all my news. She seemed ok, mostly. I'll go back out on Tuesday to see how things are.

I took Mom for her bone scan today. We went out to eat with Lex after that. She ate really well. She rode with me while I did a couple more errands. She stayed in the car, rather than getting out, every chance she got.
She seemed better mentally today than some others...but there were still some significant instances.
Lex had brought a game of Scrabble and Mom couldn't grasp how to build words onto other words, which were already on the board. She kept making her words separately in front of her and never could figure out how to or where to place them on the board, or use letters of other words to complete a word she was trying to make. I decided to put the game up.
Mom is still weak and can't walk very much or very long. I would LOVE to see some improvement in her strength. I'm going to keep getting her out of the house about 3 days a week. She loves it when she gets to get out. Hopefully with more and more opportunities she has to walk, she'll build some strength up.
Results of bone scan should be in by mid of next week.
B

Tuesday July 14, 2009 (amy)

Mom and I went to see Dr Perra today. She has lost another half pound. That makes 8.5 pounds lost in just about 2 months. Mom claims she is eating but Dr Perra said that if that is so then there is some other reason she is losing weight. She will see her back in 5 weeks and if she is still losing weight then she'll order a colonoscopy and other tests to see if there is a cancer hiding out somewhere.

Mom had a mini-mental-status-exam today. That is simply a bunch of questions that are asked of a patient to see how good their short and medium term memory is. Mom scored a 27 out of 30. Few of us kids would do better than that ! Dr Perra thinks that Mom CAN remember and CAN concentrate, she just chooses not to, for whatever reason.

Mom had blood drawn to check her thyroid, her B12 and Folate levels, and had a urinalysis performed. Apparently at her last appointment her whice blood cell count was slightly elevated and, in ladies Mom's age, there is often a low-level bladder infection that can be the cause. She did the urinalysis to check for this.

After Dr Perra's we went to Rankin's restaurant for lunch. She ate (in addition to corn flakes and blueberries for breakfast) a very healthy and large lunch - chicken and dumplings, cole slaw, corn, mashed potatoes, and some peas. I was overfull just watching her. Oh ! She drank one and a half big glasses of sweet tea, too.

Mom said she knew how she could put on some weight. She'd just buy a month's supply of Hershey bars and stuff herself with that. I tried to dissuade her from that, reminding her that we really would like it if she could stay healthy ! I asked if she could stomach Ensure, she countered that she drinks a gallon of milk a week. I tried !

Becky got Mom a cell phone yesterday and plugged it in over near her chair. I THINK Becky put it next to her red chair..... anyway, when I got there this morning, the phone and plug were lying on the little library table inside the livingroom window - next to the vibrating recliner. Her new number is 659-5790. I'd love to know if anyone ever gets in touch with her on that phone. But she said she wanted one. We'll see.

We got back to the farm about 2. As I left she said she was going to take a nap. Oh ! and by the way.... she is now locking all the doors. Scott... do you have a key that you can have copied for everybody ? That would be good.

That's all for now from me. Please post updates as you see and or talk with Mom. Maybe with this venue available we can keep everyone informed.

Love you guys !
Amy