O.K. At Becky's request, I went out this afternoon (Thursday) on the not-so-far-from-the-truth pretext of "checking in on Gary." Of course, this was my "cover" for checking in on Helen, too. I only went for a couple of hours. The most obvious danger to Helen I saw was her ability to walk. Yes, she used her cane, but was unsteady, even on it. She told me later she never used it anymore. Didn't need to. Also, in the course of a fairly long and pleasant conversation, she made reference to her belief that "not needing care" was every state short of needing to be in a hospital bed. It's going to be hard to "sell" my visits, especially on a daily basis. Perhaps the best tactic would be to say "Rob is all alone all day and he likes to come out to the farm for a little company. He can just be at the house, take a nap, read, check on Gary...whatever....Rob's a lonely guy right now. You'd be doing him a favor, he isn't your "caregiver" he's just Rob, wanting to spend the day in the country with an old friend." That's more likely to bring a "sure, I don't mind, tell him to come on out" response than anything else I can think of right now. Again, I'm pretty sure we're looking at another fall in the future and I think Becky's banister idea cannot be implemented a moment too soon. Helen's conversation was good. She even showed a flash of insight as to why there was someone in the field behind the house with what we used to call a "steam shovel." "I know why he's down there, Ed used to have to rework the drainage down there from the pond!" That was correct. Yes, she repeated herself, but not with the same story today, just things she had told me about before.

Judging from Tamara's opinion today that full-time care was warranted and that the insurance company would agree and "back pay" for caregiver time once the go-ahead was given, it may be time for the deciding parties to meet and decide the best method to go about this. Again, it's o.k. to make the doctor (be it Perra or the geriatrician) "the bad guy."Given, I can't/won't shadow her every step she takes to prevent the predicted fall, but we can "have lunch together" thus insuring her meal intake. I am still of the opinion that a boom!, 8 hour visit is better accomplished in increments, a little longer every little bit. Helen still knows "what's what" and has never been anybody's fool. She wants her independence until it's "hospital bed time."

Finally, since Helen is beginning to "sundown" (get looser in the head at that time of day, a predictable feature of dementia), it may be that a hypothetical 8-5 presence would serve her better by being a 10-7 presence as that would cover at least part of the sundowning as it worsens. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it.

R.