Busy day! Gary and a friend worked valiantly on the Buick for quite awhile before they figured out that when Helen had it re-keyed, the security code became a new one, meaning that if the original key was put in, the security device would "know" and completely shut the car down!

Old key has "disappeared mysteriously" and the mad hunt is on for the duplicate new one Helen had made, but d/n know where it is. The Buick dealer may have to make one when they get the car ready for Texas unless the locksmith, who already knows what the new security settings are, can make Helen another one.

Becky, God love her, had a cloth image of Don Williams ironed on to some sort of stiff material and framed. It looks just like a painted poster. Simply amazing. Helen and I went to Powell to pick it up. Needless to say, she loved it to pieces.

Becky also brought a chicken casserole for me to cook and Gary brought chicken livers from Hancock's. But, as fate would have it, Helen opted instead for a cheeseburger, tater tots and milk at Hancock's. Oh well, she has plenty to eat now. We bought her some milk while we were there. Her tab has been taken care of.

Cactus also came by. He's so enthusiastic. We stuffed him full of quiche and birthday cake. It was an active day full of friends. A good day for Helen all around, basically.

However, on the downside, I suspect another mini-stroke has occurred; maybe this weekend, maybe Monday. Her repetitions have increased maybe two-fold, which hurts and is difficult, but not too much, as Helen is still good-natured Helen and the repetitions....well, you just sort of get used to them, that's all you need do: just listen, encourage and smile. Never, ever, say "you just said that." It throws her whole sense of reality into question.

After all, much of it is real, live, Oral History of a time of which none of us know about except from books. Just imagine, 1939, and having to watching TV by candlelight.... (old joke). No DVDs today. No book reading. We start Lonesome Dove tomorrow, I think. I hope. It's her all-time favorite, as well as mine.

One last piece of good news is that the VCR recorder/player was found under the printer under the big TV in the living room. I will do my best to clean it up with some stuff I have here at home and try to get it working this weekend, then take it out and hook it up Monday. Then we can all be Gone With the Wind and, along with Rhett Butler, tell Scarlett O'Hara that "frankly, Scarlett we don't give a damn" either. So there. Her video collection is the finest (and largest) I have ever seen. Big fun this winter by the fire, maybe. Above all, keep keeping in touch with Helen anyway you can. She thrives on any little bit. R.

As far as I'm concerned Rob, you would continue to receive your weekly pay while you are escorting Mom for those 2 weeks.


Becky

Interesting day. I had brought some DVDs from the library, but we never watched them as we kept company with Amy and Gary a good part of the afternoon. Helen has taken to following me around everywhere, so I guess my noble "clean the house" idea, on my part, will have to be put on hold. She does not like it when I leave her alone to go clean something. That's a predictable symptom and, I guess, sort of a left-handed compliment. The BIG NEWS, as I wrote Becky, is Helen and me driving to Texas so she can see Maggie for two weeks and I can see my family in San Antonio while she does. We are to leave October 29 and returning late November 13th. Amy says it can be done by one person, but Helen wants to drive some too. Will do it if the Dorothy decides if we can afford the two weeks off. Your prayers for my safety will be quite naturally appreciated concerning this proposed endeavor. R.

I'm afraid that sort of behavior is all too predictable and I'm sorry it's beginning to happen. #1: We need to remember that Helen being alone is not the same as you or I being alone. Her brain does not have any real "point of reference" i.e. another human being. We at least know there is someone in the house with us. She's in outer space. #2: I don't want to call it sundowning yet. As I've said, we'll know more definitely when Daylight Savings Time ends, still it, and her behavior yesterday around 5:30 points to that, I'm afraid. I awoke with a start at 3:30, blood pressure sky high (I have medicine) worrying about her (even though they say "worry is a form of atheism"). Still, I'm a bit of a worrier and she is never far from my mind.

It looks like real, live, people and movies are our best bet now, at least while she's home. Does she enjoy going out in general? As the leaves change, there's always the Smokies, as long as you don't think that's too long a time for her. She said to me once, "Why do I need to go look at the leaves in the mountains when I've got all the Fall colors right out my front door?" She has a point. Any ideas for day trips would be welcome.

'Tell you what. I'm going to shift my hours forward (backward?) today (10:30-11 to 4 or 5:30) so I can stop by the downtown library and get some of those DVDs I mentioned in my blog report (they open at 10). Heck, I may even join NetFliks or Blockbuster on-line so I'll have a wider selection to choose from. That will also put me out there later in the day. I think her morning routine can hold her for that long. After that, she needs a real, live person. I am also bringing out a quiche Dorothy made for her. As she said, "You could have this for breakfast, lunch or dinner. She really enjoyed it. I'm not sure she'd ever had it before. Marie Callender's pot pies are good too as you can cook them in the microwave and she doesn't skimp on the chicken. There are other easy-fix good frozen food things that are good. The companies seem to have picked up on the fact that nobody has the time or energy to prepare a good meal after a day's work. At least Dorothy and I don't.

I think the moving around of hours will let me see if she's sundowning or not, especially after DST ends, as I said. That phone call you got worries me as that is quite a bad symptom, something she's not done before. Maybe when you are out there, you can program my phone number into her cell. IF she is going to call people late, we may as well spread it around. Fortunately, Don Williams has always been one of my favorite artists, so I don't mind the interminable concerts everyday. Still, she had definitely slipped down a rung. I hope she's not getting her days and nights turned around, which may be on the horizon. She dropped off to sleep in her chair yesterday. Maybe I can wear her out...:)

I tripped on that outside doormat leaving the house yesterday as it had scooted away from the door. Perhaps a larger, thinner one held tight with some double-sided tape (I have some very strong kind) would not be a bad idea.

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to add to what Amy said about our visit with Mom on Sun.
Yes, we cleaned and visited, cleaned some more and then some more. As Amy mentioned, Mom was having a good day Sunday. She seemed to remember things and didn't repeat things "TOO" much...lol. Things with her started changing around 4:30. She spotted a blue Heron down at the pond. She was so excited about seeing that bird. She kept saying she hadn't seen one of those birds out there for years and years. (When in reality, she and Amy saw one last week and commented on it.) I took her to Ky Fried Chicken about 5:00 and she ordered a Wrap. She wasn't too thrilled about her choice, but ate it like she was starved to death. Next we made our usual stop to get her English Toffee she loves so much. Then proceeded home. I cleaned a little more and then left about 7:00.
About 11:00 that night I got a phone call from Mom. She never calls, so this was much the shock. She said "Becky...you'll never guess what I'm doing right now". I said, "what are you doing Mom". She told me she was watching the most wonderful thing. Said she had gotten a DVD of Don Williams playing a show in Africa. She went on and on and on and on telling me everything he was doing. Then she said "Listen". She put her phone up close the the TV and held it there for me to hear one of Don Williams songs. Then she wanted me to listen to another and another and another. I had to listen to all the songs on that DVD. Again, she started asking me if I had watched her DVD. I told her next time I was out there I'd love to watch her DVD with her (again). She chuckled and told me she had watched that same video 3 times.
I just went along with whatever I needed to, in order to not burst her little bubble.

Night All
Becky

A very interesting day. I came out with the intent to clean, which I did: french door windows, the bathroom in the back bedroom (yuck) which, though clean, neither toilet or bathtub is draining. I'll get some Drano or something, unless someone knows in advance that this is a futile gesture.

Looked for her med, but Scott is taking care of that, though I will be happy to do it. Memory was not good today, my acting was. "Oh wow! You got a new Don Williams in Africa tape! Great! Let's watch it!" We had some of Amy's delicious stroganoff for lunch, Gary brought over what I hope will be supper.

The odd thing about (theme of) the whole day was that she didn't like me leaving the room to clean and when I went to leave, kept finding things to keep me there. My reward? A heartfelt, "Thank you, Rob, for coming out here to see me." I felt like I had really been doing something worthwhile. 'Made the whole day for me, as I guess it did for Helen.

She was totally hypnotized over a couple of old Bonanza reruns. They kept her focussed 100%. I am going to the library soon to get us some DVDs to watch. I don't feel the plot should be any more complicated than Bonanza plots are. Lonesome Dove for sure, Liberty Valance and The Shootist and finally, especially, True Grit is one I think she'll get a big kick out of with that wonderful young girl acting in it. Maybe she won't notice Glen Campbell. Simple. Upbeat. Good guys win. That sort of movie.

Long and short, as well-meaning as my cleaning ventures are, Helen needs what I am at present, a friend. I'll consider that my prime responsibility. I always kind of thought it would be fun to be an actor and the benefits to just being there for Helen cannot be measured, in my opinion. It's not a job, it's a privilege.

It was a pretty good day today. Mom was doing ok even tho she kind of deosnt' remember yesterday. She said Rob was out yesterday for several hours. I asked, "Yesterday, Mom ?" "Yep !" she said. Oh course, yesterday wasn't a particularly fun day for most of us around these parts. I could forget it, too.
It was a cleaning day. Mom doesn't do much of that anymore except for her dishes. So the floors got swept and the kitchen and bath mopped. The garbage cans on the deck got emptied and rinsed. The bathroom got cleaned. Mom swept the deck while we worked and then sat down to rest for a while. She used her little broom to sweep the piles I was making into a big dustpan so I could take it to the trashcan.
There are now plenty of paper towels, t.p., cleaning and dusting supplies, etc, etc, to let us keep things reasonably clean for a while. Mom said Cindy found a couple girls through Hancocks grocery to come to Mom's one day a couple years ago and take down all the tins and wash them. I think that would be a good thing to do again. I'll have to check with Cindy to see if she remembers who did it..... or with Rob to see if he wants to.
Mom was, like I said, pretty good. It's still hard for me to hear her stories. But I guess that's my problem to learn to handle.
When I left, Becky was still there. Beck said she'd eat some dinner w/ Mom since I hadn't seem Mom eat. I got there about 10, left at 3:30.
And.... Carl and Della had a blast. No heat injuries today - but Della has learned to dig in red clay so they both got a bath when we got home. Can you say tired poodles ? Heh...... yeah.

Peace,
Amy

A very good day for Helen. We spent the morning solving the world's problems, then ate some delicious quiche Dorothy had made for us (which Helen devoured) and settled in to watch Don Williams' Africa concert. (We seem to have lost the London concert....?). Scott came by before noon and made sure Helen took her "dope." Amy came a bit before 4. A good time was had by all. Helen is definitely more energized with more company there, so y'all come!

Out to the farm today 9:45-2:45, easing into my being there again. Met Cactus. 'Don't know about him. Unusual for sure. He talks loud, I'll say that much. 'Wants you to know how much he knows.

Helen also wanted to talk, and talk we did, then talked some more. We talked until lunch, went to Hancock's for a burger, then back home and....well.... talked again.

I did not get on her about her medicine. I felt like it was not my place to do so until she knows why I am actually out there. But at present I am a guest and guests don't normally do that kind of thing, at least not at my house they don't. I know this is a concern of the family Any feedback on this issue is very much welcome.

I asked her if there was anything she needed ("no") and said that if there ever was, or if she just wanted to get out and about, that we'd go...wherever, whenever, ("o.k.").

From the conversation, as she dealt more with matters of the heart, it affirmed my belief that she is doing what all people her age do, that is, deciding whether her life has been good or not. I affirmed it right across the board. There was repetition as she became more tired in the afternoon.

Don't be upset if she won't talk about what you want to talk about. She has her own agenda as to conversation topics and it's better (for her and for us) to just go along with it and not get annoyed that it seems like she's not listening. She is "working things out" and anyway to help her do this

is a good thing. You can tell especially if she keeps returning to bothersome (to her) topics or waxes philosophical about "Life, Death, etc." Let her. Affirm her. That's my advice.

Asked her if it was o.k. to come out tomorrow ("sure"). Will extend my time an hour each successive day as I ease into my role, but more importantly, easing her into it as well. The real reason I'm there will have to come out sooner better than later. That's a real kid-gloves operation. Any volunteers?

Wonderful banister and believe me, she used it! I used it! There are definite gait issues and my hand was right there all of the time (w/o actually touching her) just in case she misstepped. She used her cane at all times.

Such was my re-entry this Thursday. 'Will post tomorrow evening after my visit. R.

Hello all. It looks like I may be ready to resume my visits to Helen next week. I'm not sure of the day yet. I have been ill for going on 4 weeks now-swine flu with secondary and tertiary infections.

It's getting rather old, (as am I, I suppose) believe me. Anyway, I seem to be on the correct antibiotic and though I was "lie-down sick" for part of today, I believe the light at the end of this particular tunnel is not another train.

I'm thinking middle of the week, as early as Tuesday, as late as Thursday. I have to have two days in a row w/o fever to not be contagious. The last thing Helen (or anybody) needs is what I've had. Am measuring progress by how long I can stay "up." Still have a low-grade fever but it seems to be getting back towards normal. Onward and upward. Thank you for your prayers. I've needed that "invisible means of support" very much.

Tuesday 15 Sept

Hi All,
went out to visit with Mom today. She seemed happy to see me so perhaps she is choosing to ignore my outburst of last week. I hope so... I guess fear does a lot to people sometimes - including me. At any rate, we had a nice chat, read together for a while, I watched her Don Williams in Africa DVD with her. Lisened to the same story two or three times but otherwise had a pretty down-to-earth conversation with her about her independence and the fact that I don't want to take that from her. But that I do fear for her. whatever. God and I are still working on what I need to be doing and how I need to be feeling. I want to be a dutiful daughter, I'm just not sure exactly what that entails.

When I asked her if she had been watching her Don Wiliams stuff she said no, her dvd player was broken and that she had no way to watch it. I said Mom, it looks like your new tv will play a dvd... and I shower her how to use it again. Maybe with enough repetition it'll sink in. We'll see, I guess.

Carl had some sort of attack while we were out there. He got overheated I think, playing ball..... he was panting and panting and then all of the sudden wouldn't breathe. It probably lasted maybe 20 or 25 seconds. I put him in the sink and cooled his belly down with some cool water shower but it still took about 10 miutes before he got back t his normal self. It was scary and I don't think I'll be taking him out there again if it is even a little warm and humid. : (

Anyway - that's all for now. I think Scott took Mom's Aricept to put in a big daily reminder pill box for her. Maybe that will help remind her to take it.


Ya'll be well,
Amy

M.e again

I went out to see Mom again today. She was a little less foggy today than yesterday. She seemed really quite and withdrawn early on. I couldn't get her to talk. She just really seemed down, which is not normal for Mom.
We decided to stop at Micky D's and split a big angus burger (which by the way is really good). Then we went out to see McKenna, then stopped by April's and picked up Austin. We then traveled to Oak Ridge to see Lex, Vic, Daisy...Austin was already with us.
I had ordered Mom another Don Williams DVD. It was him performing live in Africa. I had asked her earlier in the morning if she had watched it yet. She explained to me that her DVD player had gotten a dvd stuck in it. She said Rob and Amy BOTH had tried and tried to get it out. When they weren't able to, Mom told me that Amy had taken it into Shields Elec. to get it fixed.
The reality was this.....Amy had replaced Mom's TV she had gotten her for her birthday with a new one that had a DVD player with it. An all-in-one thing. Amy told me Mom had watched several DVD's on it and that she knew how to put the dvds in.
Mom went on saying that she couldn't wait to get her DVD player back so she could watch her new Don Williams dvd.
When I took her home I put the DVD in for her and started it right up. She told me "why...I never knew that thing had a dvd player with it".
I sat there and watched it with her and while doing so I looked at her Aricep med. bottle. It showed that it was filled on Sept. 2. This is the 13th and only 3 pills had been taken..:-(( She still is not remembering to take her meds. I'll be really glad when Rob gets over his flu/whatever else and can start staying with Mom again. On the days he out there, he can make sure she takes her meds. Of course I made sure she took her pill. That was no problem at all.
Anyway, Mom had a good day and she LOVES her new DVD player and her new DVD of DW.
That's it for today,
Night All
B

Sat. w/ Mom

Just to post...I went out to see Mom Saturday. We went out to eat and split an order of lamb chops and creamed spinach at the Chop House. Mom dearly loves their creamed spinach.
Pretty much she was about the same. A little fuzzy on remembering different things. Gary took her to hear music last night. She ALWAYS loves for someone to take her there!
Becky

Sept 11.... I have a hard time on this day

And it shows.

I got off work early today and got to the farm about noon. No Mom. No car. Gary said she hadn't called him or walked to his place to see if he could go with/take her anywhere. He was watching divorce court when he heard her car leave.
Gary called Hancocks and asked if she was there. They said she had been but they didn't have her brand of cigarettes so she went over to the highway. Oh ! And Cactus was there so he went with her.
I was sitting in my car talking on the phone when she drove up. I don't even think the presence of my car registered with her because when I walked into the house a few minutes later she looked surprised.

I told her I was glad she was home safe. Then I asked her why she didn't call someone to bring her what she needed. And then I told her it hurt when it appears she can't lean on her kids for a change since we've all leaned on her our whole lives..... said it would give us a chance to give back a little.

Then I asked her about her cane. " I don't need that anymore." she said. And I lost it. I raised my voice and literally stomped my feet. The deck is wet, the steps are wet, the grass is wet. So, I lost my temper.

She says. "But what about my independence ?" I told her that Grandma had realized when to give her up ! It was not pleasant, this little interlude.

So - there you have my confession. And - know that I am doing my best to give this all up to God. I can only do what she will let me do. That is all ANY of us can do. Legally, we have no recourse unless someone wants to take her to court, strip her of her rights and become responsible for it all.

Ya'll say a prayer for me as I battle this out in my heart and in my head, will you ? I need them desperately right now.

I love you,
a

Hi all,
just a quick note before work. I was at Mom's on Monday and again on Wednesday. Monday saw the installation of her new little tv. Apparently her little dvd player bit the dust so I replaced it and the little tv I got her for her birthday with a tv/dvd combo. That's good because now she can't spill coffee in the dvd player !! And she gets to watch her Don Williams video again. : ) I really can't poke fun at that - I read old familiar books over and over.
Chuck, Larise, Jake and a Jake-friend were there on Monday playing, fishing, etc. Chuck and I both brought out some Sobe for her so she should be set with that for the week. I also took out some chicken and dumplings which, when I checked yesterday, had actually been partially consumed. Yay !!
Yesterday she was out of milk so I stopped and got her a gallon. She does like to drink her milk. Now if she would just like to take her pills !! Speaking of which - I think she is out of Aricept. I'll have to check Friday when I go out and see if Scott or Cindy can pick up a new bottle for her. If they can't then I guess I'll pick it up Saturday and take it out.
She seems pretty okay. A little bleary eyed and repeating herself but she's not talking of driving anywhere or doing other unsafe things. We shall see.
Just wanted you all to know that she hasn't been without visitors over this long weekend. I know she has a grocery list started. If she deosn't get to the store by Saturday I suppose she and I will go. I'll let you know how that goes.

Love yas,
a

Hi all,
it is Friday. I stopped by Mom's on the way home from Sevierville. She and Gary are going to Harrogate for the music tonight. She seemed pretty good, a little frayed, maybe. I checked to see if she had driven herself to the bank and she said that no, Scott had taken her. :-) Yay Scott !
Anyway, she'll be home Saturday then off the W.Va with Gary on Sunday to return home late Sunday evening. So all is well with her weekend.
I did check her Aricept bottle. it's empty. I'll see about getting the rx refilled next week.

I'm saying prayers for her and all of us, especially for Rob and Dorothy who are dealing with the flu.

Love yas,
Amy

Today, Wednesday, I only spoke with Helen on the phone to make a date for a Hancock Grocery Hamburger, but she had just finished her lunch (10:00) of the heated up onion rings from Cindy's birthday dinner. Amy brought by a TV/DVD/CD (all in one!) and I was to stop by and see Scott and then go out to set it up for her.

Shortly thereafter I became suddenly quite febrile and developed the whole gamut of symptoms commonly known as the flu. I do not know which kind it is. Scott forbade me to see him, smart fellow that he is. I then called Helen and told her I would not be coming out with my germs. I then called Gary, told him my situation and made him promise to double-check on Helen until this whatever it is lets go of me. (He said to let him know if I were to need anything. Imagine that.) Anyway, I don't think that I will be out to companion tomorrow. This bug is the very last thing she needs at her age.

Helen's Buick locksmith will be there between 10 and 11 tomorrow to make keys for her car, two, one to keep and one to hide from us. Let's hope for the best.

Dorothy also sick as is her boss and my friend at the library. Whatever it is, it is, or appears to be, highly contagious. I will conduct my companionship duties accordingly, not wanting to infect the mom. Keep your hands washed and do not touch your face (something we all do about every 5 minutes!)

And so, keep in touch with Helen via phone and/or visit and if you visit after 12, be careful of any and all cream-colored Buicks on the road.

Even if it is that flu, I am not in a high-risk group (at least I don't think I'm pregnant) and it is not a particularly bad flu, they say, although it can last as long as a week. We'll just have to wait and see if that is true or not. I am sorry to drop the ball on everyone like this, but I may as well get it over with now while things are still 1/2-way manageable.

And that, my friends, is the news from Lake Wobegon. Will post again soon.

And don't forget to pray. R.

Monday. The longest continuous conversation I've ever had in my 60 years. Really. Unfortunately the length of the conversation gave Helen plenty of opportunities to repeat herself quite a lot, the worst I've witnessed. She seemed tired, and I suspect a connection between the two. Brought her chicken salad, 1/2 of which she ate. With her high caffeine and nicotine intake, it's a wonder to me she has an appetite at all. She obviously doesn't burn a lot of calories. Suggest offering small portions. If she wants seconds, pile it on.

We discussed her Aricept (she brought it up) and she said her children wanted her to take it, that it was supposed to help her memory. She's moved the bottle to her chairside. I innocently asked, "doesn't that med have a sedative side effect? This has been her previous excuse for not taking it. She said "no." It will take some pill-counting to see if she is being compliant (and not stuffing a pill under her chair cushion!) People do that, I know from my experience with a nursing home patient.

One noteworthy thing: Gary came by about 4:30-5 (swollen feet/ankles, I noticed) and asked what Helen had read that day. Helen said "why do I need to read anything when I have Rob to talk to all day?" I must be a welcome addition to her life after all. 40 hr. workweek on the horizon. Insurance company sending forms to fill out to Scott. All we need now is to do "good cop/bad cop" with the doctor(s) playing bad cop, telling her she needs a daytime companion (no longer to be referred as "caregiver", please. Companion to Helen is what I have been to Helen since the Seventies, so that will play better with her.)

I told her "you're really the only mother I've ever had and then broke down in spite of myself. Feelings run deep.

Amy there today (Tuesday) to keep from blowing my "undercover" status until the doctor orders full-time companionship without the option. That leaves us in a "good cop" role, which is ideal. No one likes their children to tell them what to do. It's an intolerable role-reversal for almost all of the elderly. It's predictable, I have observed, as have you all!