Mom's Day

Update on Rob

2010-08-08T10:37:00.000-07:00

On July 30, Rob was involved in a car accident. He sustained significant injuries to his spine but is thankfully not paralyzed. He did break two vertebra. T-12 and L2. T12 is a more significant break and both are very very painful.

He has been in St Mary's since the day of the accident and is doing well except for severe pain that is difficult to control. He is able to get himself out of bed and can get to a chair, etc, but cannot yet go home.

They plan on moving him to a rehabilitation unit tomorrow to begin helping him gain strength and stability so that he can go home. He will be in rehab for from 2 to 14 days.

I have shared this info with Dorothy's permission. If you want their address of phone number, please get in touch with me on facebook or via phone and I will provide it to you.

Prayers are requested and gratefully accepted. Their church family is taking care of meals and errands for now but I've told Dorothy if there is anything I can do all she needs to do is call me.

Updates as they occur.

Best,

Amy

2010-08-01T03:43:00.000-07:00

All,

Rob was involved in an auto accident Friday afternoon as he left Mom's. Apparently someone was in his lane coming around a curve on, I'm assuming, Midway road. He had to swerve, caught a wheel on the edge of the road and ended up against a tree. He has suffered a significant injury and may or may not be back at the farm any time soon. He's in St Mary's but may be released on Sunday or Monday.

I just thought you all would like to know.

Amy

2010-07-11T15:06:00.000-07:00

Whew! So much going on within family that I won't even mention save that Helen now has a deeper shade of rose-colored glasses and was a bit more disoriented during the first of the week than she was Thursday/Friday. The only other change has been: more laid-back, more naps but all in all, that's all.

A few tussles over taking her Namenda, which she says she "takes when she goes to bed." Yes, I let her do that one time this past week knowing that I would know when I walked in the door the next morning whether she took it or not (radical change for the worse, a lot of rummaging, sort of manic in that way.) Anyway, a five-year-old could spot it. She is liable to forget to forget her meds (I do.) I won't let that happen should she get horsey about it again. As I've said, I'm not above mixing one that has been crushed to powder into her food or drink. I hope it doesn't come to that, but it is standard operating procedure when dealing with a non-compliant elderly person. R

Helen Wins The Non-Compliance Game

2010-06-24T16:07:00.000-07:00

A good day right up until her pm medicine time so I could go home. Helen refused to take her Namenda. She knew exactly what she was doing and, as said, if she were my mom, a no-holds-barred knock-down-drag-out fight would have started right then and there and the medicine would have been taken. No such thing with Helen. First of all, she is not my mom and secondly, I have a certain mood with Helen which focusses on our common traits and I am not going to sacrifice it's ability facilitate compliance in other areas for one Namenda, although I am not above mortar and pestling one to slip into her food. All suggestions welcome. RC

6/23

2010-06-23T15:51:00.000-07:00

Nothing much to report today. Helen cleaned her plate, took a long nap watched Gunsmoke in the morning and The Sting (following that crazy plot) in the afternoon and did not give me any trouble with her afternoon medications. A Good Day.

6/22 Tuesday

2010-06-23T09:18:00.000-07:00

Okay. p.m. meds not given again. Helen scattered again upon arrival. Gave Namenda and will be giving pm medications before I go. The Aricept w/ the instructions "one a day" will now be given in the morning as I have seen do better with it given that way. Not like today when she changed or rearranged several articles of clothing 6 or 7 times. Same clothes, new "arrangements." This where "care, affection, and allowing harmless odd behaviors (harmless) go. Let her change clothes to her heart's content. To make a fuss over it would be challenging her perception of what she needs to do. Just don't do it for reasons I'll explain further. She got better after her afternoon Aricept and ended the day quite well. Got the kitchen floor clean and will get to the wooden floors as soon as I figure out what to use. Mop and Glo? Finally, Gunsmoke to the rescue again. It's like shooting in the dark trying to find movies whose plot she can follow for 2 hrs. which, as I type realize thats expecting too much. R.

thaynk yew maystr dillin

2010-06-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

Day (Monday6/21) started out weird with Helen up and restless, then going through her cupboard showing me where things were kept. Either a mini-stroke or she's missed a med, I thought, hoping it was the latter. It was. I called her pharmacy and asked when the Aricept should be given since the only instructions were "one a day." So the big yellowish pill is in the night time part of the box now. I'll try and keep it full, but not all the way as Helen uses "oh, I've taken that already" when she hasn't and for all I know that's how she remembers it, but the pill box will allow whoever to show her that she hasn't.

Helen was very unfocussed and I tried Bonanza, then Rawhide w/o success. Gunsmoke to the rescue! She settled into Dodge with Matt, Chester, Miss Kitty and Doc and we watched it the rest of my stay. So, remember the healing powers of Gunsmoke if Helen gets skittish.

One of the things we all learn as babies is how to calm ourselves down when we're not. Then when we get old, we lose our calming reflex and can't calm ourselves down when we're not. I lose mine about three times a week. You?

5/17

2010-06-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

As Helen gets more symptomatic, certain problems arise if one doesn't know they're there.

For instance, if any of you should say "I saw three raccoons on the deck this morning" two things will happen.

1. Helen will obsess about it all day

2. She will have totally forgotten all about it tomorrow.

Lesson: Watch what you introduce into a conversation, especially anything that would agitate her.

She will still forget it tomorrow, but you won't have to sit there and think up 30 different responses to "there were three raccoons on the deck this morning" the day of the raccoon mentioning.

Helen peaceful. Read most of the day.

5/16

2010-06-17T04:53:00.000-07:00

Helen is showing more AZD symptoms (increased memory loss, in appropriate answers in conversation, backing off from tasks that require an exact sequence of actions [stove, personal hygiene, coffee maker] most of the time but not all of the time. She went to sleep with a lit cigarette in her mouth, is leaving opened but not drunk Boost bottles around the house. I got a real cussing out when I didn't buy the "Oh, I always take that before bed" and made her take it in my sight. At least she remembers some four-letter words. Appetite good, but then, Amy was cooking.

6/14 Birthday Girl

2010-06-14T15:50:00.000-07:00

Helen was soooo very happy to have her birthday. I was sooo not very happy at her new habit of leaving open not drunk Boosts all over the place not letting me throw them away "Oh I'll drink those later." She is going out with Becky and/or Suzanne, depending on who you ask tonight to be wined and dined. All in all, a good day.

6/11/10

2010-06-11T15:55:00.000-07:00

Told Helen that I am going to just "live there" or behave as if I were home and not sit over her like a big bird watching her every move. My room now is the upstairs bedroom.The hummingbird feeder leaks and I will have to get another as we have a few hummers now. Of course, Inspector Clousseau (sp) had a trail of sugar water from the porch to the sink soooo Helen's floor got a semi-mop job. Will dust-bust Monday. There may (or may not) be a problem remembering the steps involved to make coffee. It was 1/2 fixed and just left it with a wrong amount in the basket. I'll keep an eye on that. She is also getting more quiet, though will speak when spoken to.

6/10/10

2010-06-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

Started of shopping gave medicine then went back to town for birdseed as Helen enjoys her birds very much. We both read for awhile. Fixed lunch (Rigatoni and Chicken-Stoffers-she likes that-it gives her a chance to eat the garlic toast-with milk, of course) She said "Ill eat the rest for dinner."

If you want her to eat, small portions are less intimidating to her. Read on the porch together. Birds are getting used to us, and some will feed with us not 4' away. Installed out own CD as the one I got at the pawn shop did not allow menu selections. I should have taken your advice, Amy. Our VCR is there too, ready to go when needed.

Plateau?

2010-04-27T17:13:00.000-07:00

It's hard for me to read Helen of late. She is staying to herself more, reading. She forgot she had lunch today when Scott came over with chicken from Bojangle's. I suppose it's kind of a waiting game right now to see what happens next, if anything. R.

Helen's Brain

2010-04-12T16:41:00.000-07:00

There are more nerve connections in the brain as there are stars in the sky. Think about that. Trillions or more. When a nerve cell or group of nerve cells loses its blood supply to a mini-stroke it not only affects those cells, but the cells connected to those cells and the cells connected to those

cells.

Fortunately, other brain cells "know" this and are able to modify themselves to do the job the now dead cells were doing. In Helen, at present, this takes 2-3 days, on average. And so 2-3 days after Friday's mini-stroke she was back to her old self again. Will she suffer a massive stroke? Who knows? Nobody knows except God, and He's not tellin.' But for now it's good to have Helen "back." R.

Sunday April 11

2010-04-11T10:11:00.000-07:00

Was out to Mom's this morning. I got there at 9 and gave her her morning medicine. She said she had eaten already so I didn't force that issue. I, however, had not and, in reaching in the refrigerator was assaulted by the smell.

I threw away over 25 pounds of rotten food from her fridge this morning. Please quit taking it out there !! A whole uncooked chicken, a bunch of collards and onions, numerous items of left over food that were moldy. There was a ham in there from heaven-only-knows when - it was green and fuzzy. The one Vic brought out on Easter Sunday was in there but I left it just to keep some semblance of peace.

Mother got really angry with me for throwing away MOLDY blueberries even though she has a package of good blueberries in the fridge. Yeah - so angry she went for a walk. Sorry folks, but I'm not leaving moldy food in there for her to eat.

Up until that time (about 3 hours) she seemed in pretty good spirits. She is still insisting on getting a suntan on her legs. What is up with that ?? She's NEVER wanted a suntan and she sits on the deck - despite my suggesting she's getting burned - for 2 hours at at time.

After I cleaned the fridge and washed up all the containers I actually weighed the bag of trash - it really was 25 pounds.

I left three open containers of mayo, 3 open jars of grape jelly, 5 (yep, count 'em) 5 loaves of bread. She got mad because I threw out a loaf of green fuzzy rye bread, too. And yes, she has another loaf of rye in the fridge.

I don't do well with the silent treatment and the cold shoulder, dementia or not. And I'll tell you I feel pretty crappy about it, but - I asked Scott to give her her evening meds and told him where the medicine box is (in the brown cabinet above the white medicine cabinet in the kitchen. I asked Gary to check in on her a couple times this afternoon. So she should be well taken care of for the rest of the day.

I kissed her goodbye and said I love you. She declined to respond. Told ya - she was angry.

So please..... unless you plan on sitting down and eating what you brought WITH her, then don't leave it there !! It's just gonna spoil.

Oh yeah - she does not need carrots, she has three bags full. Same thing with celery. And the container of meat salad ? I THINK she made that this week..... maybe Rob knows.

amy

Dern!

2010-04-09T14:42:00.000-07:00

Here I do my good deed for today, writing down how to recognize and care-take someone with a mini-stroke, and then Helen has one sometime early today, She wasn't able to carry on a conversation, preferring to stay on her own topic, however irrelevant it was to the reality going on then. There was a lot of "rummaging" through the house and finally a fixation concerning her medication, asking me to write down the date of each am and pm dose lid on a post-it note, then scotch-taping each one down, and still, for all the explaining I did, never "got it." Needless to say the medication has returned to the brown cupboard above the "sweets" refrigerator DON'T LEAVE IT ANYWHERE ELSE! KEEP IT ALL OUT OF HELEN'S SIGHT! She was sort of non-talkative as she rummaged and her speech topics didn't fit the situation. She spent a fair amount of time leaning against the deck rail. She was fine with Scott in her "Scott mode" which has been there all their lives, that is to say, long-term memory and she can do that mode easily because it's a familiar way to act (in both senses of the word.) She has totally forgot yesterday and made a couple of "too close together repeating of sentences. Pray God she comes out of this one. short-term memory is pretty much out of commission as well as holding on to knew information (as evidenced by the pill box incident) I've asked Cindy to go over and get a baseline on Helen's behavior, and to call me Sunday night to let me know if it's 24 hr. time. I hope not, but you do whatever it takes. I hope, Becky, that you can get this message to Chuck, as he and his family will be weekending there. R

Mini-stroke Symptoms

2010-04-09T03:45:00.000-07:00

It's Been 20 since I was in nursing school, but I'm going to give it a shot. Amy, you are invited/encouraged to weigh in on this. Someone asked me how I could tell if Helen has had a mini-stroke, from which Helen recovers w/in 2-3 days. These behaviors are sudden, that's what tell you it's a mini-stroke and not AZD. This is part is mostly what I have seen in Helen, plus a little learned teaching other caregivers and as an RN.

Some signs a person who has had a Mini-Stroke

1) There is a generalized confusion on her part and she goes around the house like she is looking for something (usually at night, but sometimes not.) I don't know a specific name for this behavior. I call it "rummaging." She also be moving slower and more to forget how to cook things, which is dangerous.

2) She is non-conversational for the most part and when she does talk, it often makes no sense or she makes up parts of stories to "fill in the blanks" in her memory the mini-stroke has made.

3) There may be a difficulty in communicating. She may be looking right at you, but if you look closely at her eyes, you can pretty much tell that she's not understanding a word you're saying.

Caregiving suggestions

During the 2-3 days when her brain is recovering

1) stay close

2) Explain to her what y9u or you and she are doing as it happens, to help with her confusion.

3) Helen may lose her sense of time (an abstract concept) so don't introduce and expect her know "time prompts" like 'later on" "Yesterday" "Tomorrow." Even the innocuous word 'when' should be used sparingly us. And do not try to correct her as you would only confuse her. (if you have ever seen her w/o medication, it looks about the same, so that is a way to tell if she if taking her medication. She cannot miss one, signal dose, these seems to come on quickly as well, so check her medication box) With her memory loss and confusion brought about by a mini-stroke, shes apt to forget to take them ( who doesn't?), or God forbid, take too many.

That is when you put her medication box in the brown cupboard above the white refrigerator that has the Honey Buns in it. That's all for now. I'll be posting more information soon; R.

Bouncing Back from Recent TIA

2010-04-05T17:13:00.000-07:00

Helen got off to a slow start today, fairly non-communicative, but a combination of time outdoors on the porch alone, Rawhide, turkey and dressing, A River Runs Through It (one of my favorite movies, Helen watched all of it, laughing in all the right places, and, I assume, getting her heart wrenched in all the right places as well), still more Rawhide (she's getting to be a fan) and a long, late-afternoon on the deck conversation with Helen (reminiscing pretty darned accurately) seem to have done the trick. I believe she is almost back at her baseline of two weeks ago until the next TIA. If another one happens soon on the heels of these last two, that would probably signal a "go ahead" for a few 24 hr. stints until her brain finds different pathways and she recovers again, then no 24s again until the next one, though (I repeat) I'm still not comfortable with Helen being alone from 4-5 pm 'til 10 am. The TIAs, it seems, are getting a little more frequent, and may possibly continue to do so. AZD doesn't really figure into it right now, I think. It's those "vascular accidents" that Dr. Crane mentioned that are the present focus. Remember, it's her entire vascular system that is compromised, not just her brain. But like I said, she seems to bounce back in a few days presently. Sitting on that deck was more healing than anything, I think, for both of us. Lets hope the good weather continues. R.

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak

2010-03-31T15:45:00.000-07:00

That is to say that Dr. Crane is amazed that Helen is even alive given the vascular damage in virtually all parts of the brain. Helen, I think, probably had a mini-stroke last night as she wasn't quite herself this morning, but she was fine by the time we reached the doctor's office. Dr. Crane was very pleased with Helen's high level of functioning given the physical state her brain. She saw no problem with Helen doing her own meds, unless we see some evidence of non-compliance, which I haven't as yet. Cindy asked if a sedative was in order and Dr. Crane said "no, it would probably have an adverse effect at this point." Helen did score a few points lower on the mini-mental health exam, which surprised no one. The surprise was that she has been doing so well. She went out on the deck, sat and enjoyed the sunshine after lunch today, and dressed herself appropriately for her appointment. The personal hygiene issue was brought up. Dr. Crane didn't even press it, leaving me to assume that neither should we, I guess. Helen, she said, was at risk to undergo a "vascular accident" [stroke, embolism (clot), heart attack] before the Alzheimer's gets too awful bad. At least that's the way I understood it, and I believe that she is probably right. R.

Alzheimer’s Disease (AZD) and Memory Loss

2010-03-30T04:54:00.000-07:00

Symptom (s): “Why can’t mom remember who was at her house yesterday, but can relate in great detail what happened when she was a teenager?” We all have a Short Term Memory (STM), Middle-Term Memory (MTM) and a Long-Term Memory (LTM). Once new information is presented to us, it first enters the STM and from there the brain decides whether or not to store the information in the MTM part of the brain (I have a Dr. Appointment next week) or the LTM part of the brain (my brother’s new wife’s name is Julie) or we can just let the information go from the STM as unnecessary (a fly just flew by me).

Why: The part of the brain that is affected first in the person with AZD is called the hippocampus and its chief duty is to grab and hold onto new information while the brain decides where it wants it to go: MTM or LTM (Humans can only hold 7 bits of new information in our STM at a time, so this decision needs to be made quickly.) Unfortunately, no new information will “stick” in the AZD patient. The nerve endings in the hippocampus get covered with a protein plaque so that nerve cells cannot “pass along” information to the next cell. The result is that information goes, literally, “in one ear and out the other.” The person may suddenly stop using, say, the microwave, or the bathtub, or a cell phone because there are so many steps to using these things that they just can’t remember them at all. That’s very scary for them; embarrassing, too. Sometimes only part of the memory is damaged in as the disease progresses and the person will “make up” parts of or names to fill the “holes” in their memory. This is called “confabulating” and the caregiver must let the person give their flawed, inaccurate story. What’s it like for the person? When you get up and start out of the room, you will know you had been on the computer. A person with STMemory loss will have no idea of where they have just been, or where they are going or even that there is even a computer.

Caregiver Strategies: As with almost every facet of the behavior of the person afflicted by AZD, as a caregiver you must “choose your battles.” If the person cannot remember where their other blue sock is and puts on a red one instead, let it go (unless you are going out somewhere). Never argue with the person (Dad!? Don’t you remember?!). It puts them on the defensive, voices are raised, tempers flare, and the relationship suffers. More importantly, no, they really don’t remember. On the other hand, if they say “I think I’ll drive the car to the grocery store,” then intervention is required. Let their memory loss work in your favor. Distract them long enough and soon they will have forgotten all about the car. This is a technique that is helpful in all stages of AZD. Another good technique is to talk to the person about things that happened in their past, go over old photographs, play to their strength, their LTM. They will be more comfortable and so will you. Plus you may learn all kinds of neat stuff while they are reminiscing. R.

Issues

2010-03-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, Suzanne, personal hygiene is on the agenda. Tabu will only get you so far. I mean how do you make an 80 year old woman trying to control what's left for her to control do something against her will? Also she has recently decided that she can take her own medication. I checked the pill box, every compartment was a wrong pill/dosage. I'll brainstorm with anyone who has a suggestion short of "Helen, you smell bad" 'Most likely she'll get a bladder infection with it's attendant hallucinations. G-mail robndor@gmail.com if you don't want it on the blog. R

2010-03-23T10:09:00.000-07:00

Rob, thank you for the info. But unless I just read it too fast, it didnt mention a day or time. I dont want to "crowd" mom. But I do want accurate information. I trust you to do that if you are going with her.
I spoke with her yesterday evening ( 3/22) for about 15 minutes about her trip to Maggies, her trip home, Andrew and Sarah, etc..... I had the impression she never really knew it was me ( or who I was )

Also, after I talked with mom, I called Maggie to see how she felt mom was doing. One concern of Maggies is moms personal hygiene health. She wont bath.

oh yea, this is Suz

Dr. Appointment. Wednesday 3/31, 2:30

2010-03-23T07:11:00.000-07:00

Helen will be seeing Dr. Monica Crane, a geriatrician in the same office in the old Baptist Hospital where the family went the last time she had an appointment there-6th Floor. Just take a right off the elevator then keep making left turns until you get to the Geriatric Assessment Program (GAP).

Helen said anyone can come, but she doesn't see why. Helen is fine, It's just time for her regular check-up. Nothing to get worked up about. Really. It's not in response to some crisis. Cindy booked the appointment a month ago. Helen is doing quite well.

However, for those of you who choose to come, here are a few strong suggestions:

Never, ever talk about Helen in the third person (she did that, she's not been doing this) when she is in the room. Not only is it bad manners, it makes Helen "feel like an object" as she put it. And only one person speaking at a time.

If you can't come, don't, as everyone tends to talk to Helen at the same time about different things and it confuses her. I will post an objective summary that evening of the visit. There won't be 5 different versions of what happened, Suzanne, but don't let that stop you from coming. Amy has to work that day.

No "Mom, you must, or need, or you should". It is demeaning and, if I know Helen, a waste of breath as well.

Try and keep the visit short, calm, and peaceful and to the point.

Dr. Crane went way out of her way last time because we took up time she had scheduled for other patients. I don't think we should expect her to do that again.

Whoever is with Helen, that person should explain what is going on as she goes through her exam. The office is waaaay out of her comfort zone, and she'll need things explained, if only to keep her oriented. Don't talk to her as if she was a child, because she isn't

Finally, don't crowd her. respect her "space" the same way you want others to respect yours. R,

2010-03-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

I too would like to know date and time of mother's dr. appointment. I also would like to be there.

2010-03-22T05:24:00.001-07:00

Would someone please advise when mom's next Dr's appointment is. I would really like to go. Rob, I appreciate all your imput.

2010-03-21T16:19:00.000-07:00

The material which I will be posting will be a combination from The Savvy Caregiver and The 36 Hour Day. A topic will be introduced, why it is, how it manifests itself, and what the proper response is now since you know why the behavior is there in the first place. For instance, Helen's recent "shoplifting" is not an uncommon symptom of people with AZD. Why did she do it? She may not realize she is in a store, something may have caught her fancy and she forgot that you go to the checkout register before you can have whatever it was she walked off with. Gently guiding her verbally through the checkout tasks. There really are a lot of separate tasks involved, if you think about it. Bottom line? Helen for some reason (and there are many) is like a little 5-year old in the toy section. As I recall, my own mom's solution was to put my hands in my pockets and keep them there until we left the store. Telling Helen to do that won't work, but giving her something to hold in her hands while shopping might. Future posts will be as follows: memory, language, reasoning, judgement, perception, abstractions, attention, and organization.

After that I will give examples of behavior motivated by the intellect and by the emotions and how to interpret the behavior and intervene, especially as we get deeper into the 2nd stage. A little knowledge goes a long way toward understanding/helping Helen and her Alzheimer's. R

2010-03-15T05:26:00.000-07:00

As much as I hate to admit it, I think it's pretty clear that Helen is well into the early middle stage of AZD. I also think that if she is left in her rapidly shrinking comfort zone, let her sit in her chair and read her books and watch her Westerns, she'll be just fine. I agree with Amy 100%. Not many people are contributing to the blog. Yes, I need the information, but so does everyone else that comes into contact with her, so as to avoid or not make possible an adverse effect on Helen.

Come Saturday, I will make a list of how and how not to deal with Helen. It is from The Savvy Caregiver, Which the Downtown Library will ship to any Knox Co. branch. Free. If you asked me, I would say it is "recommended watching" esp.since Helen is getting the middle stages of AZD. Knowing the information in these DVDs will help you communicate and deal with the adverse behaviors that are just beginning to show themselves. I don't think a doctor's appointment would be out of line. Plus it will make interacting with Helen easier for her. R.

On the plane

2010-03-13T06:48:00.000-08:00

I just found out yesterday, 4th or 5th hand, that Helen had a problem on the plane. I called Maggie after they had arrived and was told that "everything was fine" when it wasn't. I expect Helen was in the room and she c/n/ tell me.

Helen's distress is a result of the AZD symptom of not being able to think in the abstract. Like a small child who cries when mom steps into the next room, thinking he is all alone, so too with Helen, who, in her perception of reality thought that since Maggie was out of sight, she had abandoned her. It's an "out of sight out of mind" sort of thing. More evidence that Helen 's Alzheimer's is worsening.

To avoid any further stress on Helen, Cindy is flying to Texas and will fly back with Helen at her side. I was afraid that Helen and Maggie would be in different parts of the plane and should have said something, but I didn't. R.

2010-03-07T07:40:00.000-08:00

This is Sunday am. I called Mom and Maggie last night to see how their flight went and check on them. Maggie told me how they had to page her. Mom was REALLY upset when she didn't have Maggie by her side. That broke my heart. To continually see my independent, self sufficient mom digress to the point where she gets scared when she finds herself alone and in unfamiliar surroundings is beyond sad.
I called Maggie and Mom back and told them that I am driving down to pick her up whenever she is ready to come home. Mom was really glad I would be coming to get her.
So, don't anyone worry. She WON"T fly back.
Becky

Sunday

2010-03-07T07:36:00.000-08:00

Reality bites

2010-03-07T06:38:00.001-08:00

Ok folks.... it's time everybody knew some happenings. I don't know why no one wants to air the dirty laundry. This is what this little blog is for !
Mom has started stealing. Whether she just forgets that she has something in her hands and walks out of a store or whether she is being shifty, there is no way to tell. But it is a symptom of this disease process. It isn't pretty. It is the reality.
Mom'll fool you. You can sit and chat with her and she'll seem fine. She isn't fine. She is never going to be fine again. You MUST know that and accept it.
Apparently she panicked on the flight to Texas when she didn't see anyone she knew. Aunt Maggie had to get the stewardess to switch seats for her so that she could sit beside mom. I am not sure it is safe for mother to fly back from Texas alone.
This is a long downhill slide, my brothers and sisters. It doesn't get better.

I set this blog up so that all of us could talk to each other in an open forum. It wasn't set up for Rob to simply report the occasional event.

Please post. If we all share the knowledge then the reality might be a LITTLE easier to deal with. But no way is it gonna be easy.

Please communicate. We are lost without communication. And it is for Mother's benefit, her safety, and her continued good health that I am asking for your input.

I love you.
Amy

So, where is the $800 ?

2010-03-03T14:19:00.001-08:00

Tuesday morning, when the weather turned bad, I went out, left Helen and Maggie's lunch and hightailed it home. Dorothy called and said not to go back out. I wish I had not agreed with her advice. Instead I lay down and promptly went to sleep. While I slept. Brad [Gary's son] and one of his friends came by to visit Helen. This, after I had blessed Brad out telling him never to come back again. Helen and Maggie had just returned from Sun Trust, Helen having $800 which she counted and placed in her wallet in full view of the two visitors. When they left, the $800 was gone. But don't judge too quickly yet.

Maggie sat with a full view of the table where Helen had placed the wallet the whole time the two boys were there. Neither of them went near that area of the room, near Helen's chair.

What we may be looking at is a classic Alzheimer symptom. The person puts something somewhere special 'for safe keeping' and then forgets where they put it. This is Maggie's read on the thing, and she's pretty sure that is what happened. If someone took the wallet, Maggie would have seen it happen. Money has been "lost" before-without company. We all know this. We may find every penny of it in one tin or another.

On the other hand we may have two young thieves on our hands. I have a difficult time seeing Brad and his friend come over to "visit." The friend wanted to see the whole house. Helen showed him every room, every door. Was he casing the joint? I honestly do not know.

Did Helen forget where she put the money (again), I do not know either. R

Aunt Helen ?< !?&*?@#

2010-02-26T12:51:00.000-08:00

Mom has been talking, often lately, of people she remembers that were important to her years ago. Last Fri. at lunch, she mentioned 2 or 3 times that her youngest brother's widows name was Helen. She thought that was pretty incredible that her brother would have married someone with HER name.
Yesterday Maggie took Mom to see Aunt Helen. When talking to Mom last night, I asked her how her day went. She replied "good, we went to see my youngest brothers widow.....and can YOU believe her name is Helen too !?"

What Time is it?

2010-02-23T16:36:00.000-08:00

This morning at 5:30, Maggie was awakened by Helen who asked her "are you going to sleep all day? It's almost sundown!" That would suggest Helen was up all night thinking it was day. That's a pretty major disorientation. She and Maggie are going to Kennesaw, GA. to see a cousin this weekend. Maggie still drives and I'll let her know that's imperative. Stay tuned.... R.

P.S.

2010-02-19T17:35:00.001-08:00

Lest I leave on a depressing note, Helen improved back to her own best self as the week progressed. She and Becky did some serious shopping today and Helen was energized by it in a good way. R.

Monday Tuesday and Wednesday (and last Friday)

2010-02-19T09:59:00.000-08:00

What a way to start the week. I called Helen Monday morning to tell her I would be late because my wife said "the roads are icy" and wait until later. My mistake was underestimating the extent of her Short-Term Memory loss as I explained that I would be a little late, but told her to take the green lid that said Monday on it and to take her medicine. Cindy went over there and called me saying that the whole week's worth was missing, she and I both went over there and found that Helen had put some pills back in the box. I don't know why that was, but there they were, back in the medicine box. Go figure.

Tuesday Helen had what I'm pretty sure was a mini-stroke the night before. She was rummaging through about 20 photographs over and over and over, forgetting pictures she had just looked at. Plan A was to engage her in conversation but she would not take her attention off the pictures. It was as if I wasn't there, which was disconcerting. Plan B, a television western, which finally got her focus off the pictures and after that she was better, just not completely. It was decided that I would stay with her 24 hours a day.

Wednesday I heard her making noise about 4 a.m. but her bed blanket was already folded up and I'm not %100 sure how long she had rummaged around the house as if she was looking for something. It is my opinion that that is exactly what she was doing as all of the things she kept from her scavenger hunt were old memorabilia of Ed as a little boy, Ed's father and mother, grandfather and grandmother and some photos of her children. We sat together on the couch while she explained each picture to me. Bottom line, in my opinion she was hunting Long-Term Memory stuff which also is why I come there in the morning, I notice things rearranged.

Also, Friday the 12th, she had turned on and left on all 4 stove eyes and was nowhere ti be found. There was enough water still in the 2 teapots to save them. Not good. Another reminder that her Short-Term Memory loss really quite extensive, but there are times when it's better and times when it's not. It seems that morning that she had gone off with this country singer named Billy Byrd. Where they went and why I don't know. They were at Sun Trust bank. I know that much, as Helen came home with her usual $800 in 10s and 20s but nothing more.

I apologize for not posting more frequently. I just forget (is AZD contagious?) and will be posting more frequently in the future. Meanwhile, give Helen a phone call when you can. She likes hearing from her kids. R

2010-01-29T13:05:00.000-08:00

I took Mom out to eat last night. We both love lamb chops and creamed spinach from The Chop House. So, off we went. It was a good night. As we were waiting for our meal, we enjoyed the small loaf of bread we are always graced with. Mom commented on how that was the BEST Rye bread she had ever eaten. It wasn't rye at all, but I just agreed with her anyway. She was surprisingly "with it" all evening. She got relatives confused...who was whose cousin and what were their names. She remembered Polly's husband Ott as dying a couple of months ago and that Polly was now living by herself. The reality is....Ott died many many years ago.
When we got back to her house the weather had turned much colder. Mom brought her coat into the living room and offered it to me. She said "look, I want to show you something I just discovered". As she was demonstrating, she told me that if you put your long sleeve in your hand and held onto it, then you could put your arm in your jacket without you sleeve riding up your arm. She was really proud of herself figuring that out. I replied "Wow Mom..what a great idea !!!
And as always..I took her to get her English Toffee coffee treat to enjoy later.
Becky

Thanks

2010-01-21T18:39:00.000-08:00

Just a note to thank all of you who took up the slack during my procedure. I'll return to Helen's Monday. Thanks also to the Creator who created the birds that are giving Helen so much pleasure lately. They really bring her out of herself in a good way. She can be "inside and outside" at the same time when it's too cold to go outside. Popcorn seems to be their favorite. Need to keep that on hand. The finches and their new feeder will be just that much more joy for Helen. We actually have a greater variety of them during the winter. Prayers requested for Cindy from everyone. R.

2010-01-17T17:31:00.000-08:00

Last Thur. was a beautiful day, so I decided to get Mom out of the house for a little excercise and fun. First we went to lunch. Mom couldn't decide where she wanted to eat. So, I decided she would like going to Rankin's. I had taken her there in the recent past she enjoyed reminicing. This time I took her it saddened her. All she could do was to sit and glare. Drawing her back into the here and now, I asked her what she was thinking about. She said she was just remembering that Charlie Carte and Daddy used to eat there everyday....and how Charlie betrayed Dad. So, I won't be taking her there anymore.
After lunch we went to Habitat where she found a couple of "goodies". Then we were off to the mall to get her nails done. Walden's book store is going out of business and Mom found a few books on sale there 60%-80% off.
She had a REALLY good day of finally getting out of the house. She's tired of this cold weather...same as we all are.
Til Later,
Becky

As I See It

2010-01-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

AD continues its slow, steady invasion of Helen's brain. Thank God Scott got that one button coffee maker. She is shying away from all machines. She can't play her Don Williams anymore, she doesn't know which buttons to push. Same with the other appliances. Aside from reading, I can see when I go there what she does when she is alone in the evening. She straightens the house. She moves books/DVDs/Videos to different places and stacks them very neatly. I may start companioning a bit more, now that I know Dorothy can take a day twice a month so I can recover myself. The job is tedious. I mean, just being there, but you know all that. It's just that she needs another human being there and not be wandering about the house all alone straightening things. Amy found an excellent book dealing specifically with the early stages of the disease, although we may not be "there" that long if the current pace of the disease doesn't slacken. Her comfort zone is shrinking. She doesn’t want to go anywhere. Perhaps that’s the weather of late, perhaps not. She does want new fingernails put on. One of you women folk may want to do that, though I will. It is, after all, something she wants to do and it will get her out. The weather forecast is good for this week. (1/11/10)

Basically, any new thing/situation or information is what she can't assimilate. I'm not even sure she is understanding 100% of my end of our conversations as she doesn't pick up on the fact that I've changed the subject. So having said all that, I'm still using a "loose rein" approach to my companioning, letting her control what she can control, and do the lengthening list of things she can't do anymore myself...except give her a bath, of course, which she has quit doing also. She's showing the same exact symptoms that are in every book about the disease. The course of the disease is relatively predictable save for what time any new symptoms will manifest themselves, and they will. I wonder if she still does her own laundry? I'll ask Amy.

Good Day

2010-01-04T14:00:00.001-08:00

Just thought I'd enter an upbeat post for a change. Today, Monday the 4th, Helen had a perfect day. She was well-groomed, her appetite was good, her memory was good, her mood was good. It was just a good day all around. R.

explaining the ups and downs

2009-12-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

Hope, et. al. In most (not all) cases, Alzheimer's moves steadily and inexorably (like a glacier) and behavioral changes are only noted over time. What seems to be happening now are mini-strokes. I, too, have witnessed scenes such as you describe just last week, like an angry "who are you and what are you doing in my house" look and others, like telling Scott to get a plumber to fix the toilet then giving Gary money to go buy a new toilet 10 minutes later. It was all very upsetting. Mini-strokes alter behavior when they happen, "all of a sudden" if you will. But then, you still have AD at work too and it can at times be hard to distinguish which one is the culprit. Both, I suppose. Like I said, the CT scan was extremely telling. There is a lot (and I mean a heck of a lot) of mini-stroke damage and also a heck of a lot of AD damage as well. It left me wondering how is Helen even functioning and fretting about how much worse this is going to become over time.

It is emotionally hard as heck on me and you all, too. An RN with clinical depression caring for a loved one with progressive dementia. It would be comical if it didn't hurt so.

2009-12-21T15:16:00.000-08:00

Hey Rob,
Thank you for the information. I did not know that mother has had mini-strokes. Some how I got out of the loop on that one. It causes me to wonder what else I might have missed.
Last time Sam and I visited Mother (Dec. 5 and 6) she exhibited some behaviors that were really a lot more pronounced than they have been before. I caught her looking at Sam once or twice in a way that made me think she was having trouble remembering who he was. She looked a little scared. So I used his name in the conversation and she seemed to relax.
And then she told us the story of how she and Daddy met, fell in love, married, lived on Thompson Place with Grandad. Of course we know she repeats things but this time she repeated the story almost word for word immediately after she finished the first account of it. I enjoy listening to her stories about the love she and Daddy shared ; I'm glad that that is the way she remembers her life with Daddy. I tend to remember Daddy with fondness myself.
The other happening was Saturday night. Scott had come to visit us and check to see whether Mom had taken her medication. It was around 8:30 to 9:00 . He stayed for 45 minutes or so just chatting with all of us. He left us around 8:45 to 9:30. About 10 minutes later Mother picked up the phone, called Scott (who was in bed already) , and told him that we were visiting and and asked if he wouldn't like to come over and visit with us . I don't know what he told Mom but he seemed to satisfy her. She didn't seem confused or hurt after she hung up the phone. As it was getting late we all said goodnight and went to bed - while Mother chose the couch.
Anyway, we took Mom out to Cracker Barrel on Sunday and she seemed to have a good time.
I know Sam and I did. Mom seemed to have a hard time remembering it was Sunday but that was easy to deal with - who really cared if it was Saturday or Sunday?!
Sam and I will try to come up to visit again early in February. And as always, we have you in our thoughts, and are grateful for the time and tender care you give our Momma.
Sincerely,
Hope and Sam Peeples

As time goes by

2009-12-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

Rob,
Thanks for keeping me educated on these heartaches : - ((

Becky

Mini-strokes 101

2009-12-18T14:26:00.000-08:00

Hope, read my comment to your question on "immovable object."

There are more nerve connections in the brain than there are stars in the universe. Each nerve cell is ultimately fed by blood vessels that would make a human hair look thick. This is why a person can have so very many mini-strokes, as Helen has had, and because they are so tiny, why the person never knows it even is happening, nor does anyone else. What showed up on the CAT scan were the dead brain cells whose blood supply was cut off by one of these mini-strokes. Depending on which of these countless cells dies, let's say it's the cell that knows my phone number, Helen would no longer be able to remember it.

To complicate matters, all of these nerve cells are interconnected, so that a particular system, let's say the one that governs Chuck's name loses a cell vital to that connection, she'll not remember Chuck's name, as she did with me day before yesterday. Fortunately there are a lot of "connections" that can also remember the name "Chuck," only by a different pathway with different associations. Your mom has AD and, as we all suspected, severe vascular dementia.

What worries me is that Alzheimer's is a slow, steady process and vascular dementia, that is a new mini-stroke, often produces an instantly recognizable change, and I think your mom has had several this week. She's not like she was last week. She seems more readily "lost" and wandering around. Also, new things (like going to the Doctor or a wedding) will produce the same confusion....something that's out of her comfort zone, something "new" where she has to reason out, like tonight, how to get ready for a wedding. It could be both AD and Vascular dementia to blame for this. She was clearly agitated, but not in a nasty way.She put on her High heels and then wondered aloud how she was going to get her bluejeans off over them. It never entered her mind to remove the shoes first. Lesson: Explain in detail when you are getting her out of her comfort zone what you are doing and why. She may understand, she may not.

There are mini-strokes, strokes, and massive strokes. Helen has the first one. In spades. She has probably been having them for years. The second would only serve to paralyze her, God forbid. The third will send her on to Greener Pastures. Strokes generally, but not always, happen at night while the person is asleep, I think I told you all that. My best guess is that since she walks so little, clots will form in the vessels behind the knee and will at sometime break off ("throwing an embolus") and, due to it's size will lodge in a brain vessel that feeds life-sustaining cells and she simply won't wake up. Then again, she might outlive us all. God Knows.

It's because there are trillions of connections in the brain that even evidence of massive mini-strokes having taken place plus the ability of the healthy parts of the brain to do "double duty" that your mom's behavior doesn't act like what it looked like it should be having viewed the CAT scan. Your mom always had an exceptionally good head on her shoulders, so I, for one, am not surprised. R.

2009-12-18T14:09:00.000-08:00

Hope Read my comment on Irresistible force. R

2009-11-30T10:44:00.000-08:00

It's Hope again!
I've been doing some research of my own on AD and found an older article in the Awake! magazine that is published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society.I've got the URL and if you would like to read it just visit http://www.watchtower.org/e/19980922/article_01.htm. Don't worry , the Society won't try to reach you by your having visited their site. Nor will they contact me to let me know you visited. You should be able to print the article for yourselves if you decide that there is some good counsel in it. It has been helpful to me of course or I wouldn't have mentioned it.
I hope everyone is doing well. I miss reading what's going on up there with you all and Mom. I haven't been able to reach her by telephone or I wouldn't be so worried about her. I'll give one of you a call if I can't reach her again today. So I'll leave you now with only the encouragement to visit that URL. It could be helpful.
Love to you all,
Hope (and Sam)

2009-11-25T08:59:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone, this is Hope. I want to hear more about this immovable object and its equal force.
Sam and I are planning to come to see Mom and everybody that we can. We will leave here Saturday the 5th of December and stay until Sunday evening. I can stay longer if someone can bring me home ,say, Tuesday or Wednesday. Any volunteers?
Rob? We would like to review the information you have on this disease. We could pick it up when we come to visit but it would be better if we could see it before we come. We'll pay for all postage and insurance. You'll be sure to get it back in mint condition.
Amy? Give me a call so I can make sure you're OK. Or I'll give you a call. OK?
Love to all,
(Sam) and Hope

2009-11-24T12:41:00.000-08:00

Irresistible force met the unmovable object today. This is an onerous stage of the disease, and we've just barely begun what is going to be a long, hard ride. Ease up. Give it time. Everything will happen soon enough, believe me. Welcome to Alzheimer's Disease.

2009-11-23T20:44:00.000-08:00

Hey guys,

I hope that everyone is well. Hope is really under the weather and would have not been able to have come for the Dr's visit tomorrow anyway. Even so I can appreciate how disappointing that is was that the appointment was canceled. Amy called to inform us and Hope wanted me to call Chuck so he would not come down to get her. Wow - dealing with an aging parent who is ill (been there -done that) is nothing short of challenging all by itself. I hope that the dialogue can remain open with all the siblings, so Mom's needs and care doesn't become a side issue.

While looking up some info online about Alzheimer's I ran across this site:
http://www.healthcentral.com/alzheimers/c/42/93035/provide-support
I have talked with Amy, and Becky and have heard the well founded fears regarding another dog for Mom, and I certainly do not discount what has already transpired. Even so, I wonder how folks who have support dogs for their illness accommodate what is the obvious needs of the support dog. I'll do more research and share what I find out. In the meantime, I hope such articles as mentioned above can provide some valuable insight.

Rob - a personal note of thanks from Hope and me for your tireless efforts to look after and encourage Mom. And thanks to everyone for keeping us in the loop and for not giving up. Please know that hearts are with you all.

With much affection,
Sam (and Hope)

My visit with Mom

2009-11-23T16:37:00.000-08:00

When I went out to visit Mom this past Sunday, I made the mistake of taking a Sunday paper for us to look at.
ALL MOM WANTED WAS THE CLASSIFIED SECTION. YEP !!! YOU GUESSED IT. SHE WAS LOOKING FOR ANOTHER AIREDALE. Thankfully there weren't any for sale : - )
Probably good to not take a Sunday paper out there in the future. It might trigger the thought of another dog.
Becky

2009-10-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

Incident. Was I right or not? Gary's son, the car thief and a friend his age unknown to me came "to visit Mrs. Cowan." It soon became clear that was not why they were there. They were just hanging out, talking on their cell phones. Not a word to Helen. I had a bad gut feeling about them being there, took them both on the front porch, told them of Helen's condition, that I was her care taker and that we were limiting the visitors to close, known friends. (Remember, Helen will let anyone in the door whether she knows them or not, and has, a "drug prostitute," as Gary called her. He just happened over and ran her out on the highly probable cause that she was "casing the joint." I pretty much did the same thing today. Cactus is on my list of "unwelcomes" as well as on Scott's list too. If I stepped on anyones' emotional toes, I'm sure I'll hear about it, but as long as I'm there, Helen is not holding an "open house." She's too vulnerable, too friendly, and her judgement is questionable. All feedback appreciated. R

2009-10-13T14:42:00.000-07:00

Very peaceful day. Quiet, save for Cactus, who cannot help but be loud. Morning spent dispensing med, organizing VHS colllection. Amy came over with pooches. We all ate Dorothy's Chicken Enchiladas and Spanish Rice. The rest of the time spent all calmly reading. Amy took Helen to meet Becky at Wal Mart for sweatshirts for what may be a cold Texas. Helen repeated to Cactus, but not to me. Got her CD player up and running. Washed dishes. Pretty uneventful day, actually. The best kind. R.

Sunday with Mom

2009-10-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

Today was pleasant enough. Amy and I took Mom to the 407 flee market. We slowly followed her around, being ever so aware that she didn't have much strength today, and we may have to save her from a fall at any minute. Amy took her by the elbow and forearm to help steady her. Well, Mom was QUICK to inform Amy she was fine and didn't need help. I don't know about Amy, but for me, it's really hard and awkward to reach to hold Mom's hand or take her by the arm, offering support. The reality is....it's much much harder for Mom to admit she needs help, or receive it when it's offered. I suppose I should take comfort in her attitude, for I know it won't be much longer til she has no choice in the matter.
As usual, Mom was jovial at times and confused at others.
Mom loves to get out and go places. It doesn't really matter where. She'll go anywhere you want to take her. I think getting her out of the house for a while let's her get some exercise, and helps to stimulate her mind.
I love the fact that she is still able to get out and go. She is trying real hard to stay independent, so I'm giving her enough slack in the rope to allow her the independence she so desperately needs, while at the same time being very cautious to keep her safe.
Thanks for going with me today Amy. I know this is hard and sad at the same time, but I like to do anything that makes her smile a little. Plus I loved your company :-).
Thanks for all you are doing for Mom. I'm looking forward to your vacation. YOU NEED A BREAK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love to all,
Becky

Sat Oct 10

2009-10-10T07:31:00.000-07:00

I was going to go to the farm today and be with Mom. I called her before I started out there and asked if she would like some company or if she'd like a morning to just be alone. I figured she might. She hasn't had much private 'helen time' in a while.
She said I was always welcome and I asked again.... "Mom ! I know I am always welcome, but what would YOU like today." She thought for a minute and said she'd rather have a space of time where she didn't feel 'monitored'. So..... she is off to Crossville with Gary and some other folks tonight. I thought she might like to know she does have a choice about me coming out there. And so I didn't go.
Becky said she might go gallivanting with mom tomorrow so I'll call before I go out there, but if she is home I'll run out for a while and visit and take the dogs.

I love you all.
a

2009-10-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

A beautiful day weather-wise. Helen and I spent a lot of time on the deck, watching birds, just taking in the beauty. We went inside when she started to get cool and spent the afternoon talking mostly about Ed. I hooked up her VCR to the sitting room TV so we could watch videos. I carved a bit. Helen read a bit. Scott had brought over the once-a-month calcium pill for her and left the newly-filled Aricept bottle. I did the pill count so I'll know if Helen says "I already took it" if she really did or not.

I drove the Buick home to begin "learning it " for the Texas trip. It seems to do everything but make coffee, and probably does that, if I can locate the button. Got the oil changed. (the car "told" me electronically it needed one.) All the fluids were good, so mechanically, the car is ready to go.

Slight change of plans trip-wise. Helen and will leave at some ungodly hour on the 29th, the change is that Amy, the dear, is flying in to DFW after work Friday the 13th, and Helen and I will pick her up there about 10:30 and make a bee-line for Knoxville from DFW, arriving sometime late Saturday morning or early afternoon, the 14th, the day we had planned to return, we'll just be leaving at 11p.m. All prayers appreciated. R.

2009-10-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, waaay to many distractions this weekend, but I can't say I wouldn't have reacted in sort of the same way.....

Tuesday we went to the bank to take care of some trip business and for Helen to get $800, $100 of which she immediately spent on three cartons of cigarettes across the road. We got back home only to find they were the wrong kind of Senecas so I jumped back in the car, high-tailed it to the store and exchanged them for her kind. After that, I did the dishes and spent a full half-hour getting her CDs into the proper cases. She has 25 Don Williams' CDs! I wrote his web page today and requested an 8 x 10 glossy autographed by Don. We'll see what happens. Then it was on to Hancock's for lunch. I tried to buy but Helen wouldn't allow it. Amy was there when we got back and we talked, Helen read some, looked at those old photos some. She definitely needs people, just not gobs of them and they must be peaceful. A person with dementia may not pick up on what you say, but they do pick up on what your mood is. It's uncanny, I know, but go over to see her when you are irritated and see if she doesn't become irritated too. That works both ways, of course, your mood influencing her in a positive way. She's "there" and she's not; she remembers and she doesn't; she knows what's happening and she doesn't....all at the same time. It's all very gray, not all black, not all white. You just have to keep your antennas up and hope you guess right. Just when you expect her to be "on" she's off, just when you think she has forgotten, she remembers. Love, listen, be as positive as you can, pretend when you have to. R.

2009-10-05T12:32:00.000-07:00

oops...sorry...last post was from me Becky

This is Mon. afternoon and I just called Mom. She acted surprised to hear from me. She asked if I were back in town yet, or was I still up in the sticks. It's sad to say, but she doesn't remember I was at her house last night. :-( She forgets seeing alot of people from day to day.

becky

2009-10-05T09:52:00.000-07:00

I was at Mom's also for the party. I arrived after everyone else, so I don't know what had transpired before I arrived. Maybe she paid quite a bit of attention to Steve, Sharon, Chuck and Laurice before I got there. She was really glad to see Emily and Matt, Ryan, Hanna and baby.
She was glad Amy and I were there too...but we are there ALL the time, so I didn't expect her to make a fuss over us. And she didn't.
What I saw was a WIDE eyed mom. The stare, that is too often on her face, is sad to me. It's like she is trying to stay alert, but is struggling with what's going on around her. Maybe she's having a difficult time in processing so many things going on at once. She seems to be able to focus on only one thing at a time. Yes, she was either playing with Jonathan (which is what she would have been doing 10 years ago) or looking through her boxes of pics. She was showing me pics of long ago, when I was involved with other conversations. She kept saying, "Becky, look at this one". "Have you seen this"?, repeatedly, til I got up and went to look at the picture.
I believe there were too many voices going on at once and she couldn't decipher which one to tune into, so she just went into her own little world, not acknowledging ANY of the conversations going on around her.

2009-10-05T03:14:00.000-07:00

Was at Mom's last night for Laurise's birthday party. Was it just me or did she just seem a little disconnected ? Nothing blatant but she seemed to be not quite with the whole party thing. She played with Johnathan, she told 'stories' about the farm. Told Steve and Sharon that she'd seen a Blue Heron at the lake - the first she had seen in 'years and years'.
Just my observation. Maybe it was having so many of us there late in the evening. And thoughts form the rest of you who there there ?

2009-10-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

Friday. Got out there about 8:30 so we could be at the Expo Center right on the button at 9, only to find out the button was at noon. So, for three hours we drove around all of Helen's old haunts, Goins Rd. (now Nature Way) where she was raised. Beverly Place, where the family was raised. Decided we we're hungry so we went to Shoney's breakfast bar. We really hurt 'em. We were starved. By then it was time to go back to the Expo and Helen did real good "looking pitiful" (as I told her to do so we could butt in line, which we pulled off w/o a hitch.) Didn't get much. Helen wanted a car charger for her cell and a one-person DVD player, which we got. Then home to Max and a hyper-active Cactus. Amy showed up and she and Helen and I chatted and that was the end of my part of Helen's day. Pretty fun, all in all.

2009-10-01T15:43:00.000-07:00

Not a bad day at all. Helen and I each read separately this morning for awhile, then chatted, then scarfed down some of Becky's chicken casserole, then watched the old b&w western, High Noon and that was really about it.

My Dr. said "you're going to have to learn to be less "family" and start being more of a professional. Dead on. My job would be easier if Helen and I d/n have an on and off 40 year hx. together. So I started doing that today. I think that's what made it a bit less stressful.

Helen was much better today. Not too much repetition of stories, not too much more than I probably repeat my stories from time to time, which was a relief after yesterday.

Focussed heavily on leading questions [if you can't converse, ask questions (it's a sure-fire technique for keeping Helen focussed on her stories, or anyone else, for that matter), and non-verbal skills: body position, eye contact, facial expression, tone of voice, that sort of thing.]

For all of us, with anybody, all of the time, 90% of all communication is non-verbal. That's pretty deep, even scary, but it is so, and is esp. important when with Helen. That's about it. Got all of the dishes washed but still in the dishwasher until tomorrow. R.

2009-09-30T16:20:00.000-07:00

Busy day! Gary and a friend worked valiantly on the Buick for quite awhile before they figured out that when Helen had it re-keyed, the security code became a new one, meaning that if the original key was put in, the security device would "know" and completely shut the car down!

Old key has "disappeared mysteriously" and the mad hunt is on for the duplicate new one Helen had made, but d/n know where it is. The Buick dealer may have to make one when they get the car ready for Texas unless the locksmith, who already knows what the new security settings are, can make Helen another one.

Becky, God love her, had a cloth image of Don Williams ironed on to some sort of stiff material and framed. It looks just like a painted poster. Simply amazing. Helen and I went to Powell to pick it up. Needless to say, she loved it to pieces.

Becky also brought a chicken casserole for me to cook and Gary brought chicken livers from Hancock's. But, as fate would have it, Helen opted instead for a cheeseburger, tater tots and milk at Hancock's. Oh well, she has plenty to eat now. We bought her some milk while we were there. Her tab has been taken care of.

Cactus also came by. He's so enthusiastic. We stuffed him full of quiche and birthday cake. It was an active day full of friends. A good day for Helen all around, basically.

However, on the downside, I suspect another mini-stroke has occurred; maybe this weekend, maybe Monday. Her repetitions have increased maybe two-fold, which hurts and is difficult, but not too much, as Helen is still good-natured Helen and the repetitions....well, you just sort of get used to them, that's all you need do: just listen, encourage and smile. Never, ever, say "you just said that." It throws her whole sense of reality into question.

After all, much of it is real, live, Oral History of a time of which none of us know about except from books. Just imagine, 1939, and having to watching TV by candlelight.... (old joke). No DVDs today. No book reading. We start Lonesome Dove tomorrow, I think. I hope. It's her all-time favorite, as well as mine.

One last piece of good news is that the VCR recorder/player was found under the printer under the big TV in the living room. I will do my best to clean it up with some stuff I have here at home and try to get it working this weekend, then take it out and hook it up Monday. Then we can all be Gone With the Wind and, along with Rhett Butler, tell Scarlett O'Hara that "frankly, Scarlett we don't give a damn" either. So there. Her video collection is the finest (and largest) I have ever seen. Big fun this winter by the fire, maybe. Above all, keep keeping in touch with Helen anyway you can. She thrives on any little bit. R.

2009-09-29T21:07:00.000-07:00

As far as I'm concerned Rob, you would continue to receive your weekly pay while you are escorting Mom for those 2 weeks.

Becky

2009-09-29T14:33:00.000-07:00

Interesting day. I had brought some DVDs from the library, but we never watched them as we kept company with Amy and Gary a good part of the afternoon. Helen has taken to following me around everywhere, so I guess my noble "clean the house" idea, on my part, will have to be put on hold. She does not like it when I leave her alone to go clean something. That's a predictable symptom and, I guess, sort of a left-handed compliment. The BIG NEWS, as I wrote Becky, is Helen and me driving to Texas so she can see Maggie for two weeks and I can see my family in San Antonio while she does. We are to leave October 29 and returning late November 13th. Amy says it can be done by one person, but Helen wants to drive some too. Will do it if the Dorothy decides if we can afford the two weeks off. Your prayers for my safety will be quite naturally appreciated concerning this proposed endeavor. R.

2009-09-29T02:16:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid that sort of behavior is all too predictable and I'm sorry it's beginning to happen. #1: We need to remember that Helen being alone is not the same as you or I being alone. Her brain does not have any real "point of reference" i.e. another human being. We at least know there is someone in the house with us. She's in outer space. #2: I don't want to call it sundowning yet. As I've said, we'll know more definitely when Daylight Savings Time ends, still it, and her behavior yesterday around 5:30 points to that, I'm afraid. I awoke with a start at 3:30, blood pressure sky high (I have medicine) worrying about her (even though they say "worry is a form of atheism"). Still, I'm a bit of a worrier and she is never far from my mind.

It looks like real, live, people and movies are our best bet now, at least while she's home. Does she enjoy going out in general? As the leaves change, there's always the Smokies, as long as you don't think that's too long a time for her. She said to me once, "Why do I need to go look at the leaves in the mountains when I've got all the Fall colors right out my front door?" She has a point. Any ideas for day trips would be welcome.

'Tell you what. I'm going to shift my hours forward (backward?) today (10:30-11 to 4 or 5:30) so I can stop by the downtown library and get some of those DVDs I mentioned in my blog report (they open at 10). Heck, I may even join NetFliks or Blockbuster on-line so I'll have a wider selection to choose from. That will also put me out there later in the day. I think her morning routine can hold her for that long. After that, she needs a real, live person. I am also bringing out a quiche Dorothy made for her. As she said, "You could have this for breakfast, lunch or dinner. She really enjoyed it. I'm not sure she'd ever had it before. Marie Callender's pot pies are good too as you can cook them in the microwave and she doesn't skimp on the chicken. There are other easy-fix good frozen food things that are good. The companies seem to have picked up on the fact that nobody has the time or energy to prepare a good meal after a day's work. At least Dorothy and I don't.

I think the moving around of hours will let me see if she's sundowning or not, especially after DST ends, as I said. That phone call you got worries me as that is quite a bad symptom, something she's not done before. Maybe when you are out there, you can program my phone number into her cell. IF she is going to call people late, we may as well spread it around. Fortunately, Don Williams has always been one of my favorite artists, so I don't mind the interminable concerts everyday. Still, she had definitely slipped down a rung. I hope she's not getting her days and nights turned around, which may be on the horizon. She dropped off to sleep in her chair yesterday. Maybe I can wear her out...:)

I tripped on that outside doormat leaving the house yesterday as it had scooted away from the door. Perhaps a larger, thinner one held tight with some double-sided tape (I have some very strong kind) would not be a bad idea.

2009-09-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to add to what Amy said about our visit with Mom on Sun.
Yes, we cleaned and visited, cleaned some more and then some more. As Amy mentioned, Mom was having a good day Sunday. She seemed to remember things and didn't repeat things "TOO" much...lol. Things with her started changing around 4:30. She spotted a blue Heron down at the pond. She was so excited about seeing that bird. She kept saying she hadn't seen one of those birds out there for years and years. (When in reality, she and Amy saw one last week and commented on it.) I took her to Ky Fried Chicken about 5:00 and she ordered a Wrap. She wasn't too thrilled about her choice, but ate it like she was starved to death. Next we made our usual stop to get her English Toffee she loves so much. Then proceeded home. I cleaned a little more and then left about 7:00.
About 11:00 that night I got a phone call from Mom. She never calls, so this was much the shock. She said "Becky...you'll never guess what I'm doing right now". I said, "what are you doing Mom". She told me she was watching the most wonderful thing. Said she had gotten a DVD of Don Williams playing a show in Africa. She went on and on and on and on telling me everything he was doing. Then she said "Listen". She put her phone up close the the TV and held it there for me to hear one of Don Williams songs. Then she wanted me to listen to another and another and another. I had to listen to all the songs on that DVD. Again, she started asking me if I had watched her DVD. I told her next time I was out there I'd love to watch her DVD with her (again). She chuckled and told me she had watched that same video 3 times.
I just went along with whatever I needed to, in order to not burst her little bubble.

Night All
Becky

2009-09-28T15:06:00.000-07:00

A very interesting day. I came out with the intent to clean, which I did: french door windows, the bathroom in the back bedroom (yuck) which, though clean, neither toilet or bathtub is draining. I'll get some Drano or something, unless someone knows in advance that this is a futile gesture.

Looked for her med, but Scott is taking care of that, though I will be happy to do it. Memory was not good today, my acting was. "Oh wow! You got a new Don Williams in Africa tape! Great! Let's watch it!" We had some of Amy's delicious stroganoff for lunch, Gary brought over what I hope will be supper.

The odd thing about (theme of) the whole day was that she didn't like me leaving the room to clean and when I went to leave, kept finding things to keep me there. My reward? A heartfelt, "Thank you, Rob, for coming out here to see me." I felt like I had really been doing something worthwhile. 'Made the whole day for me, as I guess it did for Helen.

She was totally hypnotized over a couple of old Bonanza reruns. They kept her focussed 100%. I am going to the library soon to get us some DVDs to watch. I don't feel the plot should be any more complicated than Bonanza plots are. Lonesome Dove for sure, Liberty Valance and The Shootist and finally, especially, True Grit is one I think she'll get a big kick out of with that wonderful young girl acting in it. Maybe she won't notice Glen Campbell. Simple. Upbeat. Good guys win. That sort of movie.

Long and short, as well-meaning as my cleaning ventures are, Helen needs what I am at present, a friend. I'll consider that my prime responsibility. I always kind of thought it would be fun to be an actor and the benefits to just being there for Helen cannot be measured, in my opinion. It's not a job, it's a privilege.

2009-09-27T13:40:00.001-07:00

It was a pretty good day today. Mom was doing ok even tho she kind of deosnt' remember yesterday. She said Rob was out yesterday for several hours. I asked, "Yesterday, Mom ?" "Yep !" she said. Oh course, yesterday wasn't a particularly fun day for most of us around these parts. I could forget it, too.
It was a cleaning day. Mom doesn't do much of that anymore except for her dishes. So the floors got swept and the kitchen and bath mopped. The garbage cans on the deck got emptied and rinsed. The bathroom got cleaned. Mom swept the deck while we worked and then sat down to rest for a while. She used her little broom to sweep the piles I was making into a big dustpan so I could take it to the trashcan.
There are now plenty of paper towels, t.p., cleaning and dusting supplies, etc, etc, to let us keep things reasonably clean for a while. Mom said Cindy found a couple girls through Hancocks grocery to come to Mom's one day a couple years ago and take down all the tins and wash them. I think that would be a good thing to do again. I'll have to check with Cindy to see if she remembers who did it..... or with Rob to see if he wants to.
Mom was, like I said, pretty good. It's still hard for me to hear her stories. But I guess that's my problem to learn to handle.
When I left, Becky was still there. Beck said she'd eat some dinner w/ Mom since I hadn't seem Mom eat. I got there about 10, left at 3:30.
And.... Carl and Della had a blast. No heat injuries today - but Della has learned to dig in red clay so they both got a bath when we got home. Can you say tired poodles ? Heh...... yeah.

Peace,
Amy

2009-09-25T14:12:00.000-07:00

A very good day for Helen. We spent the morning solving the world's problems, then ate some delicious quiche Dorothy had made for us (which Helen devoured) and settled in to watch Don Williams' Africa concert. (We seem to have lost the London concert....?). Scott came by before noon and made sure Helen took her "dope." Amy came a bit before 4. A good time was had by all. Helen is definitely more energized with more company there, so y'all come!

2009-09-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

Out to the farm today 9:45-2:45, easing into my being there again. Met Cactus. 'Don't know about him. Unusual for sure. He talks loud, I'll say that much. 'Wants you to know how much he knows.

Helen also wanted to talk, and talk we did, then talked some more. We talked until lunch, went to Hancock's for a burger, then back home and....well.... talked again.

I did not get on her about her medicine. I felt like it was not my place to do so until she knows why I am actually out there. But at present I am a guest and guests don't normally do that kind of thing, at least not at my house they don't. I know this is a concern of the family Any feedback on this issue is very much welcome.

I asked her if there was anything she needed ("no") and said that if there ever was, or if she just wanted to get out and about, that we'd go...wherever, whenever, ("o.k.").

From the conversation, as she dealt more with matters of the heart, it affirmed my belief that she is doing what all people her age do, that is, deciding whether her life has been good or not. I affirmed it right across the board. There was repetition as she became more tired in the afternoon.

Don't be upset if she won't talk about what you want to talk about. She has her own agenda as to conversation topics and it's better (for her and for us) to just go along with it and not get annoyed that it seems like she's not listening. She is "working things out" and anyway to help her do this

is a good thing. You can tell especially if she keeps returning to bothersome (to her) topics or waxes philosophical about "Life, Death, etc." Let her. Affirm her. That's my advice.

Asked her if it was o.k. to come out tomorrow ("sure"). Will extend my time an hour each successive day as I ease into my role, but more importantly, easing her into it as well. The real reason I'm there will have to come out sooner better than later. That's a real kid-gloves operation. Any volunteers?

Wonderful banister and believe me, she used it! I used it! There are definite gait issues and my hand was right there all of the time (w/o actually touching her) just in case she misstepped. She used her cane at all times.

Such was my re-entry this Thursday. 'Will post tomorrow evening after my visit. R.

2009-09-18T19:52:00.000-07:00

Hello all. It looks like I may be ready to resume my visits to Helen next week. I'm not sure of the day yet. I have been ill for going on 4 weeks now-swine flu with secondary and tertiary infections.

It's getting rather old, (as am I, I suppose) believe me. Anyway, I seem to be on the correct antibiotic and though I was "lie-down sick" for part of today, I believe the light at the end of this particular tunnel is not another train.

I'm thinking middle of the week, as early as Tuesday, as late as Thursday. I have to have two days in a row w/o fever to not be contagious. The last thing Helen (or anybody) needs is what I've had. Am measuring progress by how long I can stay "up." Still have a low-grade fever but it seems to be getting back towards normal. Onward and upward. Thank you for your prayers. I've needed that "invisible means of support" very much.

Tuesday 15 Sept

2009-09-15T16:43:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
went out to visit with Mom today. She seemed happy to see me so perhaps she is choosing to ignore my outburst of last week. I hope so... I guess fear does a lot to people sometimes - including me. At any rate, we had a nice chat, read together for a while, I watched her Don Williams in Africa DVD with her. Lisened to the same story two or three times but otherwise had a pretty down-to-earth conversation with her about her independence and the fact that I don't want to take that from her. But that I do fear for her. whatever. God and I are still working on what I need to be doing and how I need to be feeling. I want to be a dutiful daughter, I'm just not sure exactly what that entails.

When I asked her if she had been watching her Don Wiliams stuff she said no, her dvd player was broken and that she had no way to watch it. I said Mom, it looks like your new tv will play a dvd... and I shower her how to use it again. Maybe with enough repetition it'll sink in. We'll see, I guess.

Carl had some sort of attack while we were out there. He got overheated I think, playing ball..... he was panting and panting and then all of the sudden wouldn't breathe. It probably lasted maybe 20 or 25 seconds. I put him in the sink and cooled his belly down with some cool water shower but it still took about 10 miutes before he got back t his normal self. It was scary and I don't think I'll be taking him out there again if it is even a little warm and humid. : (

Anyway - that's all for now. I think Scott took Mom's Aricept to put in a big daily reminder pill box for her. Maybe that will help remind her to take it.

Ya'll be well,
Amy

M.e again

2009-09-13T18:34:00.000-07:00

I went out to see Mom again today. She was a little less foggy today than yesterday. She seemed really quite and withdrawn early on. I couldn't get her to talk. She just really seemed down, which is not normal for Mom.
We decided to stop at Micky D's and split a big angus burger (which by the way is really good). Then we went out to see McKenna, then stopped by April's and picked up Austin. We then traveled to Oak Ridge to see Lex, Vic, Daisy...Austin was already with us.
I had ordered Mom another Don Williams DVD. It was him performing live in Africa. I had asked her earlier in the morning if she had watched it yet. She explained to me that her DVD player had gotten a dvd stuck in it. She said Rob and Amy BOTH had tried and tried to get it out. When they weren't able to, Mom told me that Amy had taken it into Shields Elec. to get it fixed.
The reality was this.....Amy had replaced Mom's TV she had gotten her for her birthday with a new one that had a DVD player with it. An all-in-one thing. Amy told me Mom had watched several DVD's on it and that she knew how to put the dvds in.
Mom went on saying that she couldn't wait to get her DVD player back so she could watch her new Don Williams dvd.
When I took her home I put the DVD in for her and started it right up. She told me "why...I never knew that thing had a dvd player with it".
I sat there and watched it with her and while doing so I looked at her Aricep med. bottle. It showed that it was filled on Sept. 2. This is the 13th and only 3 pills had been taken..:-(( She still is not remembering to take her meds. I'll be really glad when Rob gets over his flu/whatever else and can start staying with Mom again. On the days he out there, he can make sure she takes her meds. Of course I made sure she took her pill. That was no problem at all.
Anyway, Mom had a good day and she LOVES her new DVD player and her new DVD of DW.
That's it for today,
Night All
B

Sat. w/ Mom

2009-09-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

Just to post...I went out to see Mom Saturday. We went out to eat and split an order of lamb chops and creamed spinach at the Chop House. Mom dearly loves their creamed spinach.
Pretty much she was about the same. A little fuzzy on remembering different things. Gary took her to hear music last night. She ALWAYS loves for someone to take her there!
Becky

Sept 11.... I have a hard time on this day

2009-09-11T11:27:00.000-07:00

And it shows.

I got off work early today and got to the farm about noon. No Mom. No car. Gary said she hadn't called him or walked to his place to see if he could go with/take her anywhere. He was watching divorce court when he heard her car leave.
Gary called Hancocks and asked if she was there. They said she had been but they didn't have her brand of cigarettes so she went over to the highway. Oh ! And Cactus was there so he went with her.
I was sitting in my car talking on the phone when she drove up. I don't even think the presence of my car registered with her because when I walked into the house a few minutes later she looked surprised.

I told her I was glad she was home safe. Then I asked her why she didn't call someone to bring her what she needed. And then I told her it hurt when it appears she can't lean on her kids for a change since we've all leaned on her our whole lives..... said it would give us a chance to give back a little.

Then I asked her about her cane. " I don't need that anymore." she said. And I lost it. I raised my voice and literally stomped my feet. The deck is wet, the steps are wet, the grass is wet. So, I lost my temper.

She says. "But what about my independence ?" I told her that Grandma had realized when to give her up ! It was not pleasant, this little interlude.

So - there you have my confession. And - know that I am doing my best to give this all up to God. I can only do what she will let me do. That is all ANY of us can do. Legally, we have no recourse unless someone wants to take her to court, strip her of her rights and become responsible for it all.

Ya'll say a prayer for me as I battle this out in my heart and in my head, will you ? I need them desperately right now.

I love you,
a

2009-09-10T02:28:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
just a quick note before work. I was at Mom's on Monday and again on Wednesday. Monday saw the installation of her new little tv. Apparently her little dvd player bit the dust so I replaced it and the little tv I got her for her birthday with a tv/dvd combo. That's good because now she can't spill coffee in the dvd player !! And she gets to watch her Don Williams video again. : ) I really can't poke fun at that - I read old familiar books over and over.
Chuck, Larise, Jake and a Jake-friend were there on Monday playing, fishing, etc. Chuck and I both brought out some Sobe for her so she should be set with that for the week. I also took out some chicken and dumplings which, when I checked yesterday, had actually been partially consumed. Yay !!
Yesterday she was out of milk so I stopped and got her a gallon. She does like to drink her milk. Now if she would just like to take her pills !! Speaking of which - I think she is out of Aricept. I'll have to check Friday when I go out and see if Scott or Cindy can pick up a new bottle for her. If they can't then I guess I'll pick it up Saturday and take it out.
She seems pretty okay. A little bleary eyed and repeating herself but she's not talking of driving anywhere or doing other unsafe things. We shall see.
Just wanted you all to know that she hasn't been without visitors over this long weekend. I know she has a grocery list started. If she deosn't get to the store by Saturday I suppose she and I will go. I'll let you know how that goes.

Love yas,
a

2009-09-04T15:31:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
it is Friday. I stopped by Mom's on the way home from Sevierville. She and Gary are going to Harrogate for the music tonight. She seemed pretty good, a little frayed, maybe. I checked to see if she had driven herself to the bank and she said that no, Scott had taken her. :-) Yay Scott !
Anyway, she'll be home Saturday then off the W.Va with Gary on Sunday to return home late Sunday evening. So all is well with her weekend.
I did check her Aricept bottle. it's empty. I'll see about getting the rx refilled next week.

I'm saying prayers for her and all of us, especially for Rob and Dorothy who are dealing with the flu.

Love yas,
Amy

2009-09-02T15:59:00.000-07:00

Today, Wednesday, I only spoke with Helen on the phone to make a date for a Hancock Grocery Hamburger, but she had just finished her lunch (10:00) of the heated up onion rings from Cindy's birthday dinner. Amy brought by a TV/DVD/CD (all in one!) and I was to stop by and see Scott and then go out to set it up for her.

Shortly thereafter I became suddenly quite febrile and developed the whole gamut of symptoms commonly known as the flu. I do not know which kind it is. Scott forbade me to see him, smart fellow that he is. I then called Helen and told her I would not be coming out with my germs. I then called Gary, told him my situation and made him promise to double-check on Helen until this whatever it is lets go of me. (He said to let him know if I were to need anything. Imagine that.) Anyway, I don't think that I will be out to companion tomorrow. This bug is the very last thing she needs at her age.

Helen's Buick locksmith will be there between 10 and 11 tomorrow to make keys for her car, two, one to keep and one to hide from us. Let's hope for the best.

Dorothy also sick as is her boss and my friend at the library. Whatever it is, it is, or appears to be, highly contagious. I will conduct my companionship duties accordingly, not wanting to infect the mom. Keep your hands washed and do not touch your face (something we all do about every 5 minutes!)

And so, keep in touch with Helen via phone and/or visit and if you visit after 12, be careful of any and all cream-colored Buicks on the road.

Even if it is that flu, I am not in a high-risk group (at least I don't think I'm pregnant) and it is not a particularly bad flu, they say, although it can last as long as a week. We'll just have to wait and see if that is true or not. I am sorry to drop the ball on everyone like this, but I may as well get it over with now while things are still 1/2-way manageable.

And that, my friends, is the news from Lake Wobegon. Will post again soon.

And don't forget to pray. R.

2009-09-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

Monday. The longest continuous conversation I've ever had in my 60 years. Really. Unfortunately the length of the conversation gave Helen plenty of opportunities to repeat herself quite a lot, the worst I've witnessed. She seemed tired, and I suspect a connection between the two. Brought her chicken salad, 1/2 of which she ate. With her high caffeine and nicotine intake, it's a wonder to me she has an appetite at all. She obviously doesn't burn a lot of calories. Suggest offering small portions. If she wants seconds, pile it on.

We discussed her Aricept (she brought it up) and she said her children wanted her to take it, that it was supposed to help her memory. She's moved the bottle to her chairside. I innocently asked, "doesn't that med have a sedative side effect? This has been her previous excuse for not taking it. She said "no." It will take some pill-counting to see if she is being compliant (and not stuffing a pill under her chair cushion!) People do that, I know from my experience with a nursing home patient.

One noteworthy thing: Gary came by about 4:30-5 (swollen feet/ankles, I noticed) and asked what Helen had read that day. Helen said "why do I need to read anything when I have Rob to talk to all day?" I must be a welcome addition to her life after all. 40 hr. workweek on the horizon. Insurance company sending forms to fill out to Scott. All we need now is to do "good cop/bad cop" with the doctor(s) playing bad cop, telling her she needs a daytime companion (no longer to be referred as "caregiver", please. Companion to Helen is what I have been to Helen since the Seventies, so that will play better with her.)

I told her "you're really the only mother I've ever had and then broke down in spite of myself. Feelings run deep.

Amy there today (Tuesday) to keep from blowing my "undercover" status until the doctor orders full-time companionship without the option. That leaves us in a "good cop" role, which is ideal. No one likes their children to tell them what to do. It's an intolerable role-reversal for almost all of the elderly. It's predictable, I have observed, as have you all!

2009-08-28T18:39:00.000-07:00

Rob,
I can't say thank you enough for being the loving friend, to all of us, that you are. I thank you also for your insight and educating us on this grim matter. You are a true gift from God.
Thank you too Amy for making this possible for Mom.
Love you both,
B

2009-08-28T17:13:00.000-07:00

Drew,
Mom is, for the most part, pretty ok ! Her mind an be as sharp as a tack on a lot of days, but..... that doesn't translate into taking care of herself. She is supposed to take Aricept every day. If I call and ask her if she has done so, she always says - 'yes, I took it'. But then - like today, I go out there and count the pills in her bottle. 6. There were 6 pills in her bottle LAST Friday !! Aricept is supposed to help her memory not deteriorate.
She is getting physically frail. You know how much she has shrunk in height over the past few years. You know also that she is as independent as all cussedness. I asked her today to use her cane when she went outside. She totally blew me off.
She is still Granny. She will always love you and will remember you and your friends as long as she has her memories.
I will do my best to be honest and open with you about how Mom is. I don't pull many punches. Please feel free to call me or email me (amy9990@gmail.com or 865-384-2962) anytime if you have questions or concerns.
Visit when you can, love always, and don't EVER feel bad about living YOUR life. Granny would want you to and expect you to.
I love you,
a

2009-08-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

In answer to Drew, Jill Joey and Charlie Robert's question: Even with dementia, a person will maintain life-long skills, in your case, casual conversation e.g. "Hi. I'm doing fine. I miss you." things like that. Making a pot of coffee, dressing, taking a shower, things she has done all her life, she can still do. I wouldn't be surprised if she could still beat me at canasta. Also there is a goodly part of Helen that is still quite intact enough to "get it together" for phone calls, company, etc.

So, yes, she has dementia and yes, she can still make good, casual conversation (see my entry below). It is only when she is "out of her element" (e.g. Dr.'s office) that a practiced eye would notice something amiss. So, don't despair. Granny is still very much the granny you have always known and loved. The main issues are medicine non-compliance and an unsteady gait. Do call frequently, especially in the evening when she is often by herself. Keeping her "connected" to others is a big help, either by phone or visit. Don't forget to pray. R.

2009-08-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

Things went very well today. I came a little earlier, stayed a little later until Amy was able to stop by. Helen and I carried on a very long (2hr.), interesting conversation, most of which was about Alzheimer's Disease and it's manifestations! I told her how glad I was to have someone to be with during the day and to be out in God's Country. She responded by saying she was glad as was there as she was lonely too and "didn't even have a dog anymore." There is no un-truth in all of this. Monday, I am going to call and ask permission to come out, thus giving her a goodly measure of control, so much of which she has lost in other areas of her life. (I don't know what I'll do if she says "no." I'll call one of you, I guess.) She wants me to bring my carving out there to do.

About 2 we went to Hancock's for a cheeseburger, which she finished. Later, when Amy was there, she enquired about Colace dosages, needed, I assume because 1) everything slows down with age and 2) her diet, or lack thereof. Amy brought groceries. No junk.

Perhaps, for now anyway, the reason my company is welcome is because I'm not coming at her with any dementia-related issues....yet. I'll let prayer and timing tell me when to introduce, first, the taking of her meds. I don't know how she will take to me fixing us a healthy lunch. There's always peach milkshakes!

Amy expressed doubts about Gary taking to his new insulin/diet regime, which is understandable considering his track record with the pre-ketoacidotic episode. It could go either way. I'm trying to get up my nerve to ask him to let me look at his feet. I don't know what he's eating. He's been so important to Helen's "having someone there" his condition will warrant as much monitoring as I can manage, not really knowing him.

8/28/09

2009-08-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

Would anyone argue that my Granny does a better job of communicating over the phone versus in person? I speak with her once a week usually during the daytime on Thursday's or Friday's and she appears to be the same, sharp, alert, cognitive person that I have always known and remembered. With Jill and I being in Greenville and not getting up to Knoxville and visiting as much as I know we should I make a conscious effort speak with my Granny consistently. I offer the aforementioned question to answer my own concerns about her health. Obviously I can see no physical differences over the phone, but am curious as to what the difference are live and being with her as compared to telephone conversations. In the last three years she has not repeated a story, confused dates and times, or called me by another name anymore than my peers. Helen always reminds me of how sorry she is that she was not able to attend our wedding and asks that I please send pictures. She asks about my friends Josh and Lindsay Ward and how they are doing with their teaching careers. These type of questions about my friends and recent events remind me that she is very sharp at times and can have a wonderful memory. I always try to look at her health as objectively as possible and not romanticize the idea of my granny growing older and more forgetful. I hope someone can provide some insight and any thoughts, ideas or feedback would be wonderful.

Thanks and Love,

Drew, Jill, Joey and Charlie Roberts

2009-08-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

O.K. At Becky's request, I went out this afternoon (Thursday) on the not-so-far-from-the-truth pretext of "checking in on Gary." Of course, this was my "cover" for checking in on Helen, too. I only went for a couple of hours. The most obvious danger to Helen I saw was her ability to walk. Yes, she used her cane, but was unsteady, even on it. She told me later she never used it anymore. Didn't need to. Also, in the course of a fairly long and pleasant conversation, she made reference to her belief that "not needing care" was every state short of needing to be in a hospital bed. It's going to be hard to "sell" my visits, especially on a daily basis. Perhaps the best tactic would be to say "Rob is all alone all day and he likes to come out to the farm for a little company. He can just be at the house, take a nap, read, check on Gary...whatever....Rob's a lonely guy right now. You'd be doing him a favor, he isn't your "caregiver" he's just Rob, wanting to spend the day in the country with an old friend." That's more likely to bring a "sure, I don't mind, tell him to come on out" response than anything else I can think of right now. Again, I'm pretty sure we're looking at another fall in the future and I think Becky's banister idea cannot be implemented a moment too soon. Helen's conversation was good. She even showed a flash of insight as to why there was someone in the field behind the house with what we used to call a "steam shovel." "I know why he's down there, Ed used to have to rework the drainage down there from the pond!" That was correct. Yes, she repeated herself, but not with the same story today, just things she had told me about before.

Judging from Tamara's opinion today that full-time care was warranted and that the insurance company would agree and "back pay" for caregiver time once the go-ahead was given, it may be time for the deciding parties to meet and decide the best method to go about this. Again, it's o.k. to make the doctor (be it Perra or the geriatrician) "the bad guy."Given, I can't/won't shadow her every step she takes to prevent the predicted fall, but we can "have lunch together" thus insuring her meal intake. I am still of the opinion that a boom!, 8 hour visit is better accomplished in increments, a little longer every little bit. Helen still knows "what's what" and has never been anybody's fool. She wants her independence until it's "hospital bed time."

Finally, since Helen is beginning to "sundown" (get looser in the head at that time of day, a predictable feature of dementia), it may be that a hypothetical 8-5 presence would serve her better by being a 10-7 presence as that would cover at least part of the sundowning as it worsens. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it.

2009-08-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
Just wanted you to know I picked up Mom early Monday am and took her to the hospital to visit Gary. We stopped at Walmart first and then Wendy's to get Mom and Kathy something to eat. She sat down in the hospital entrance til I parked the car then I wheelchaired her up to visit Gary. I stayed about 20 minutes. By the way, Gary looks pretty bad :-(. Kathy was going back out to the farm that evening so she took Mom home. They got home about 4:30. I called Mom about 6:00 and asked her how the day went. She replied "Good, Scott came by and picked me up on his way to work this morning and took me by the hospital so I could sit with Gary" :-(( I then replied "Well, that sure was nice of Scott". She said "yep".
This is now Tuesday evening. I spoke with the claim rep. at John Hancock Ins. today. She told me Dr. Perra's Plan of Care had just been received today. She had also received some letters from us as well, describing how we see Mom. She's suppose to call me Wed. and let me know if she needs anything else before she takes the info in for a reconsideration review.
Hey Amy, thanks so much for spending the day and evening with Mom. Sorry I couldn't pitch in today.
Love to all,
B

2009-08-24T06:50:00.000-07:00

This is Becky
It's Mon 9:30 am. They had moved Gary to CCU and now they are moving him to rom 395. I spoke with Kathy and Dr. told them they thought his medicines had over loaded his kidneys causing them to shut down. They hope to get his meds under control. He's expected to be in hospital 2 or 3 days. Hopefully that's all. I'm headed out to get Mom this am and take her in to hospital so she can sit with Kathy today.
Gary is at St. Mary's
love all

2009-08-24T03:17:00.000-07:00

Well it was a good weekend mostly. Mom was in pretty good spirits Saturday and Sunday. Hope and Sam came in late Saturday afternoon and I think she enjoyed seeing them a lot ! Rob and Dorothy came over for a while on Sunday and stayed to chat for a little while. I know Mom ate breakfast Sunday and I left prepared food for her on Sunday afternoon but I don't know if she ate it. She seemed to not have much appetite Sunday.
Worrisome is the fact that Gary is in the ICU at St Mary's. Please say a prayer for him. His diabetes is acting up. He came out to say hello to me when I got there Sunday and said he was having a bunch of muscle cramps and was in some pain. A half hour later Cathy called and said she couldn't rouse him. She called the ambulance to come get him. His EKG on the ambulance didn't show any heart problems, really. But he had a bunch of Ketones in his blood (Google Diabetic Ketoacidosis to see what this is). Anyway, he was pretty much unresponsive even at the hospital. He did come around enough to ask for his kids but then drifted out again. The medics are going to rule out a stroke today and try to get his diabetes stabilized.
I think Becky is going to spend part of Monday with Mom. I'll be out there on Tuesday and on Wednesday for part of those days. Gary has been Mom's lifeline and we'll be hard pressed if he doesn't come back to the farm. He checks on Mom several times a day, just going over to chat or to sit and keep her company. I don't know how severely this will affect her. I fear she will want to drive herself to St Mary's to see him. I'll be happy to take her when I get out there but she won't remember that I've told her that.
Anyway - it was wonderful to see Hope and Sam ! I hope they made it back to Chattanooga without problems. I'll probably call them tonight to make sure unless they post here of their visit.
That is all for now.
Love,
Amy

2009-08-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

I talked to Mom this am. She told me she had driven to Hancock's and bought 2 packs of cigs. Yesterday the story was she drove there to get a hamburger. If she only got 2 packs (YEEKS!!!) that means she will want to go to the store again to get more. Maybe someone could take her a carton. I won't be able to visit this weekend. I need to help Vic out with the kids which will include today, tonight and tomorrow.
Love to all,
B

2009-08-21T15:36:00.001-07:00

Hi all,
I just returned from Mom's. She had company - Gary's son Bradley and his friend Ben. Nice enough kids, I guess but both bummed cigarettes off me and/or Mom.
Anyway - I stopped and got some rotisserie chicken t take out there and I had made some marinara with italian sausage that I had planned on sharing with Mom for dinner. I also picked up some pasta to cook for the marinara but.... back to this.
Just about as soon as I walked in MOther said "Amy, I deifed all of these male types out here today!" I asked her how she managed to do that and she said "I just got in my car and drove to Hancocks." Hmm. Well...... I stewed about that for a few minutes, trying to keep a rein on my tongue.
Attempting to change the subject I asked if she had eaten that day. Yep- breakfast. Bacon and eggs...... and for lunch, chicken and corn and broccoli. That sounds good Mom ! I'll bet you're full.
2 minuts later: I am going to indulge myself, she says, and gets down a package of Oreos and eats about 6 of them. Later, she spies a plate on the table and says "See ! I did have breakfast and here is the plate I used" then she walked to the little fridge, pulled out a huge sweetroll and said "And that is what I ate!" I said... "Mom, not 5 minutes ago you told me you had bacon and eggs !" She said "Well, I had 2 breakfasts." She's quick.
Anyway - I ended up sitting and listening to her chat with Bradley and Ben about the farm and us kids and the like. It was interesting when Ben asked her how many kids her kids have she only mentioned two of the kids and three of the grandkids. Her mind simply can't hold a thought for long.
At one point, she was walking across the living room and I asked her where her cane was. She said it was in the corner by her chair. I looked. No care. I asked her again and she said she must have left it in the car when she went to the store. So - I went to the garage, checked the car, got her cane, and oh yeah, I hid the keys. She won't be driving anywhere soon.
I left the food in the care of Brad and Ben, checked ot make sure Brad knew how to cook pasta and left it with them to have dinner with Mom. Gary is out until late tonight as he has gone to Tazwell for the car races.
Guys - this is very hard for me. I have never really thought of myself as a control freak but this situation with a defiant mom is really tweaking my switches. I know it isn't her fault and I can't say I am mad at her..... but I am mad. And I realize I'm pretty helpless except to do things like hide her keys and have meals with her sometimes. I cannot quit work and I know Rob will be installed there soon during the day. But it's not an easy road.
I'll be going out there tomorrow I suppose. I'll check to see that she at least eats lunch (I hope) Also, Hope and Sam are supposed to come up sometime this weekend. We'll see how that visit goes.
That is my update.

Love yas,
a

2009-08-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
Just to keep you posted on the frequecy of happenings. this am I called Mom as usual. We were chit chatting about much of nothing. Trying to find something to talk about, I asked her how her new panties washed up..."did they shrink, or anything Mom". She "no, I just put them in the washer and then turned my rinse water to hot and then put them in the drainer to dry". ?>*&^#!@
I said "you put your PANTIES in the drainer to dry?" She said "NO my dishes".
Mid stream.
She also talked about being bored. She said if she gets too bored she'll just hop in her car and go somewhere. She said she drove down to Hancock's the other day and got a hamburger. (I doubt she did that).
She said she drove over to Cindy's last night. Did she or didn't she? I have no idea.
All for now.
B

2009-08-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

Well, this is Wed, the day after our rather emotional meeting with Mom and Dr. Perra and us. Tuesday evening she had a conversation with Aunt Maggie and told her what a wonderful day she had had. Maggie asked her what made it so good and Mom said she had a doc. appt. and everybody was there. She was SO happy. Maggie asked her why everybody was there and she told her that none of us believe her when she tells us Dr. Perra tells her she is doing fine. She said, we all wanted to come here it for ourselves. She was very tickled that we were there.
About an hour after Maggie called her I called her again to check on her. After we talked about the weather and such, I asked her what she had done the rest of the day. She told me.."Well, Scott came by and picked me up early cause I had an appt. w/ Dr. Perra." (realizing she had not remembered us being there) I asked her what Dr. Perra had to say. Mom replied that Dr. Perra told her she was doing really good and to keep on doing whatever she was doing. I asked Mom about her weight gain or loss and she told me there was no change. Then she told me Scott took her to Hancock's to eat lunch. After that, she was too worn out to go to the store (all of that was true).
I called her this am as usual and asked her about her morning and what she had eaten for breakfast. She told me something different than she told Gary when he had asked her. I asked Gary to go over and look for any signs that she had even eaten at all. Yes...believe it or not, she had indeed eaten. There was a plate in the sink and eggs shells were on the counter. When I called her, there was so much static on her line that I told her to hang up and I'd call her on her cell phone. It went straight to voice mail. When I called her back and tried to explain how to press the "end" button to make the phone come back on she couldn't grasp how to do that. But, as usual, she was happy and laughing on the phone.
Gary went back over there and she told him she was going to take herself to the store (YEEKS!!) Don't worry, Gary knows not to let her drive. So he ended up taking her. Before they left for the store she started telling him about the meeting with Dr. Perra and all of us. She was cursing mad. Said she didn't need anybody to stay with her..etc,etc. Don't worry...Mom still doesn't use the Lord's name in vain, nor does she use the "F" word. Gary difused her anger and they went to the store. As usual, Mom bought Hershey bars, Snickers, M&M's, Mrs. Werther's candy, pastries, do-nuts, honey buns and her usual other sweets. It's really hard to get her to buy anything other than candy and sweets.
Anyway, I talked to her at 4:30 today and she has no recall again of the meeting with all of us and Dr. Perra. So, at this time she is happy.
By the way, Ed and I went by to see Mom on Monday and took her to Hancock's, she ate a whole hamburger, a whole order of fries and a whole pint of milk. Scott took her to eat at Hancock's Tuesday and he said she ate a lot also.
When she's at home by herself, she just forgets to eat.
That's all for now.
Becky

The meeting

2009-08-19T03:45:00.001-07:00

Thank you all for coming to Mom's appt with Dr Perra yesterday. It was difficult but not as bad as I had feared. The end result is what we were after though and it is a blessing that she acquiesced. I felt sorry for her though as we were leaving - smacking her cane against the floor and saying "I am capable!" Well of course she is for many things. It is the things she isn't so capable in that are so concerning.
May Kudos to you all for helping her through a moment of real frustration and anger. The "C'mon Mom, we're just scamming the insurance company" line was absolutely great and seemed to give her the 'out' she needed.
Mom is wonderfully giving as a general rule and if she thinks this is all done to help somebody out, who cares ? It accomplishes the goal of having someone with her to watch out for her safety and well-being.

Now..... Becky talked to her last evening and unfortunately Mom didn't recall the fact that we had all been with her at the Dr. office. So, I doubt she will recall that Rob is going to be staying with her during the day. Hopefully that will start soon! I'll get my letter off to the insurance company today to hopefully lend some support to the letter Dr Perra writes so that we can get her ong Term care policy to kick in and Rob can get paid to do what is going to be a frustrating (at times) task.

One step at a time in this for all of us. It seems that our path is an uphill one in many respects. Mom will have good days but she will have bad ones, too. Her path is mostly going to be a sliding one. In the last 2 years I've noticed a definite decline. Yesterday in the Dr office Suzanne asked if she had had a good time at Aunt Maggies. Mom said she did and that they had done 'the usual stuff'. Then Rob asked if it had been hot. Mom said that "It wasn't too bad. But I was there early in the season so the hottest it got was maybe 92 or 93."
Mom doesn't lie, exactly. But when she loses a memory it is a protective thing to 'fill in the blanks' with what sounds, to her mind, reasonable. I really do encourage all of you to read "The 36-Hour Day" and to listen to "The Savvy Caregiver". Rob has loaned us several copies of Savvy Caregiver. I listened to them as I drove to work and then I checked out the DVD from the library and listened to it again. It is a seminar, run by a social worker who is trying to help the family members of those with dementia learn how their loved one's mind doesn't function anymore. It is an eye-opener and I think, will be helpful for all of us to have some understanding that it isn't Mom - it's the condition.
Does Mom have Alzheimer's ? I don't think so. At least, not yet. But she does have dementia and dementia seldom gets better. It may plateau, and the medicine she should have been taking can help it to plateau, but.... she didn't take that medicine while in Texas. She told Aunt M it was a sleeping pill. :-(
Dr Perra is going to refer Mom to a geriatrics assessment center here in Knoxville and that is good news, indeed !! I've only heard about these places, but I understand they do several hours worth of assessment in several different ways. I expect they will experience Mom's tendency to tell the same story over and over and her inability to learn new skills or tasks. After the assessment we will have a much better idea of where she is right now in the language of demetia (Stage 1 or 2 or 3 or whatever). I think it will help us plan better for her.

Hope, I know you wanted to wait on this Dr appt - family meeting thing but too many plans had already been made. Our ends are accomplished and Mom seems to have accepted it. I say seems, because she didn't remember it last night when Becky talked to her. I do hope you can come up this weekend and that your health improves quickly and uneventfully so that you can be a more frequent presence in all of our lives.

I could go on. But I won't. You all have a sweet day and feel free to post here with questions, thoughts, opinions, etc. I put this board up so that we can save some phone calls and so that questions and comments could be shared by all who were interested. Please use it. It can be a valuable tool.

I love you.
Amy

11 Aug 09

2009-08-12T06:26:00.000-07:00

I spoke with Mom last night for a while. She sounded pretty happy and pretty 'with it'. I probably opened a can of worms though and here is my reasoning.
I really would like for Mom to voluntarily seek companionship in the form of someone staying with her at least during the day. I talked to her about how nice it was to have company all the time - Mitzi, Aunt M. Talked to her about how it would be nice if we could arrange that for her here. I mentioned that Rob was looking for something to do and that she could at least try it out for a while.
She said she might consider it in the future when she felt she couldn't take care of herself. I reminded her that she didn't like to eat alone and company would give her someone to eat with and ensure that she ate. I also reminded her that she sometimes forgot to take her medicines and they could help with that, too.
Hmm. Well. She said we could talk about it when she gets home.

Next I talked to Aunt Maggie. She says Mom is pretty good - gets out when Maggie tells her they are going to. Has been eating pretty well. Has developed a taste for Sonic Peach milkshakes. Is a little forgetful but then said "But so am I". And then she asked me "What is Aricept for?" I told her it is to try and help Mom's memory improve or at least not get any worse. Aunt Margaret says Mom refuses to take it. Mom says it is a sleeping pill and she sleeps just fine.
Well and so.

Mother has Dr appt on Tuesday at 8:30 with Dr Perra in the St Mary's Towers suite 505. Becky has arranged this appt to be a meeting with Dr Perra to outline (we hope) a plan of care for Mom. Without a Plan of Care (POC) the insurance company won't pay for any services. All of who can should try to be there as it is a 'family meeting' of sorts with the Doc and Mom. But... Mom doesn't know about it - other than she is going for a check up. We'll see how that goes.

I have talked to Scot tand I hope he understands that I am NOT after cntrol of this situation, but I am after ensuring Mom's safety. He said he found his copy of the limited power of attorney he has. I don't know about the insurances stuff yet. I hope to talk to him again today. He said he'd take care of Mom during the day, that he could resign from Knox-Tenn, but I don't know if the board will let him resign. That, too, needs to be seen.

Anyway - Scott and Cindy are in Nashville this weekend to see Jodi. Scott is willing to pick Mom up and bring her home since he is going to be in Nashville anyway. I think that is probably a good idea. I don't care who gets Mom to accept what is coming but Scott is most likely to since she seems to "obey" his dictates. Again, we'll see.

Rob has been kind enough to provide copies of the audio of a program designed to help people who are experiencing the mental decline of a loved one. I have listened to it and hope all the rest of you will, too. I have two copies of it, please let me know if you want the CDs and I will get them to you. It's pretty sobering.

He also gave me a VCR tape of a movie that was quite well respected about a duaghter dealing with a declining parent. I've ordered the DVD version of this so any who want to see it can do so if they don't hae a VCR anymore. It should be here in a week or so. Again, let me know.

The quest continues.

Family meeting

2009-07-31T04:25:00.001-07:00

All,
I've just learned that Hope will not be able to make the meeting tonight. I'm going to call her when we all get together in hopes that she can hear what is going on and participate. I hope all of you have read the email I sent Wednesday so that we can keep this short and informative and so that we can make some decisions on what to do next.

Love yas !
a

2009-07-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

Hi All,
Just wanted to let you know. I call Mom (in Texas) at least 2x a day. I've noticed a deffinant difference in her in the mornings. Maggie goes walking and exercising early every morning. Since I've always called Mom every morning, I've continued to do so while she's in Texas. Sometimes she doesn't know where Maggie is and sometimes she remembers she has gone for her walk. She sounds pretty down....not her usual self. When I call again during the day she sounds really good.
She needs to be around people and to get out and do things.
Lol Maggie said the other day Mom had wanted to go to Walmart to get a watch. Evidently she didn't take one from home with her. Maggie said Mom must have asked her 40 times what she needed to go to Walmart for...lol.
Maggie said at times Mom will be talking about something and in mid sentence will just start talking about something completely unrelated. I've experienced that too with Mom. It can be pretty confusing.................Oh well, just part of this long dark road we're traveling down with her. I just hope it's not as sad for her as it is for me.
Love
Becky

2009-07-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
I took Mom out with me Thursday. We went to see Lex and Austin. She was w/o out cane all day and I was just waiting for her to crumble. I won't let her go out again w/o it. WAY to dangerous.
Last week she had approximately $500 dollars that disappeared from her wallet. She has looked and looked for the money, Gary has gone over and looked for the money and I believe Amy went over and looked for it also. So, Mom has either hidden the money and forgotten all about that, or someone has helped themselves to her $$$. She had NO $$ left at all. Amy bought her a couple of packs of cigs. Thursday when Gary met me with Mom he stopped and bought her a pack of cigs and breakfast at McDonalds. I took her to the bank again and tried to get her to just get $50.00 out of bank.....but NO she wouldn't hear of it. She was writing a check as we were at the drive through...but couldn't remember how to write the check. She wrote it for $800. I booked her a flight to go see Maggie and decided to get the money for that flight from her, which would rid her of about $455 of that $800. So, Friday when I went out there to take her out she wanted to go to the bank...she had completely forgotten going to the bank the day before. She was insistent that after she paid me for tickets she wanted to end up with $800 to take to Maggies. We went to Cracker Barrel where she ate pretty good, then went home. She was counting the money out to pay me for the tickets and we noticed that between Thrs when she withdrew $800 and Fri., several hundred $$ had been taken or misplaced. Long story short. With the $600 she got out of the bank on Fri. + what was left of the $800 after the Thrs. withdrawal she ended up with $997.00. She wrote me a check for ticket instead of giving me cash. (Cause she wanted to go to Maggies with at least $800. I counted out the $997 to her about 4 times so she could see the amt. then I folded it over and put a red rubber band around it and told her to keep it in her pocket at ALL TIMES. NOT IN HER PURSE. I drove home and about an hour later she called me and asked me if we didn't go to the bank and get some money out. She said she couldn't find it. I held on the phone telling her where to look..she looked and looked. Finally she found it and I made her put it in her purse and while I was talking to her I instructed her where to hide it so we both would know where she put her purse.
She refuses to think that anybody that visits her would take her money and gets very angry when that is suggested as a possibility. So, who knows???, she is either hiding it herself w/o remembering, or there is a thief lurking close by.
My stories go on and on with similar remembrance problems. She'll be leaving Sunday to go to Maggies for 3 weeks. That should give us time to arrange some daily care for her when she returns.
Please provide input...all ideas and help are greatly needed.
love..Becky

Hooch is gone

2009-07-21T19:10:00.000-07:00

Becky called me this morning. Gary had called her worried about Hooch. I told Becky I would call to see if I could get an appt and then go out, get Hooch and take him to the vet. By the time I called the vet Hooch was already there. Gary had taken him.
Hooch will not be going back to the farm.

I went out and told Mom that Hooch wasn't going to be coming back and she said "I just can't seem to keep a dog". She cried for a minute. Then we talked of some other things. She said several times though that she would just have to watch the Sunday want ads to find herself another airedale. :-(

Mom is an adult and has all the rights and responsibilities of an adult. She can buy a dog if she wants, no matter what we kids say. I feel for any dog that she manages to find.

I suggested she take a trip to Aunt Maggie's since she is unencumbered for the time being. Maybe she will. Maybe she won't.

While I was there Aunt Gloria called to say hello. Mom told Aunt Gloria that she had just noticed Hooch being a little lethargic and had asked Gary to take him to the vet because she isn't allowed to drive.

Mom didn't even see Hooch today. Gary's son had to carry him off the hill to the car because Hooch couldn't be coaxed into walking (from what I understand. I wan't there).

I am thinking more and more that I will simply move to the farm and live thre with Mom. Someone needs to and since I will be the least damaged financially, I guess it's up to me. I don't know if I will take Carl and Della with me or not. Michael has said he would take them if I need him to, for short term or long term. Maybe with my dogs there she won't feel the need to get another dog. But...... I am not sure I trust the safety of these two city dogs to Mom who feels that dogs need to be allowed to just run free. It will take some convincing for me to leave my dogs with her while I am at work. We'll see how things go.

Scott apparently has the insurance forms but hasn't had time to address them. I am hopeful he'll give them to me or to becky so that we can get a caregiver in for Mom. We can't do anything until the insurance company blesses it and I don't know when Scott is going to have time. He is dealing with his own family issues at present and may be distracted.

I'm going out tomorrow to make a copy of Mom's long term health insurance policy. I think it will be beneficial to know what it says, what it covers, and what it doesn't cover. If anyone else wants a copy, I will burn you one, just ask.

That is all for now...... I am sad. Mom is sad. Gary is sad. Thank God for Gary.... his presence has made it possible for us to put off making the decisions we need to make. But now it's time for Mom's family to be her heroes.

2009-07-21T04:42:00.000-07:00

Hey Hope and Sam,
Let me say that on Sat. when I was out at the house with you Mom was doing really good!!! She was connecting thoughts and being truthful with most all of when she was saying.....THAT'S VERY UNUSUAL!!! As you can tell...she has nothing but wonderful memories of Dad. Amy and I have just decided to let her believe that, if that's what makes her happy.
Sometimes when we visit her we hear the same stories over and over in a matter of 3 or 4 hours. When we were out last Friday, she noticed some guys wearing flipflops. She said "My oh my...look at that...since when did men start wearing flipflops?" Last week at grocery store she pointed at a box of instant potatoes and said the same thing.....like she couldn't BELIEVE they had started making instant potatoes. When passing by Wallace Memorial Church...we said "Wow! When did they build that chuch, mentioning last time she saw that space there was nothing there but just a field.
Those tales go on and on.
I hope to be able to bring her down to see you two soon. As you probably noticed, she's not near as strong on her cane when she gets out and about as she is at home just taking a few steps. I worry about her trying to walk too far on her cane. In and out of a restaurant or Weigles is about all she can do w/o really wearing herself out.
Anyway, it sure was wonderful seeing you all. I only wish I could have spent the day with you on Sunday. Darn headaches !!!
Love you and will talk with you soon !!!
Becky